volunteerplaintalk

Category: organizations

  • The Conversation We Dread: Pain or Opportunity?

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    Or, in reality, “The Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad, Completely Upsetting, “Don’t Make Me Do It,” “I Think I’m Going to Be Sick” Day. Yes, that should pretty much cover it.

    Having that conversation with a volunteer-you know the one, the one where you have to discuss a complaint during that mean chat that will forever label you a terrible, cold person for hurting the helpless volunteer. You may as well burn the volunteer’s house down too while you’re at it-that’s how soul-less you are.

    So, how do we start a difficult conversation with a volunteer after a complaint has been made? And how do we prepare ourselves to have the confidence to do the right thing without melting down into mush? For what it’s worth, here are a few suggestions that I hope help you.

    Remember that you are the best person for this challenge: You have recruited and cultivated this volunteer. You care about them and will do what is necessary to see them succeed. And leaving them to fail is ultimately more cruel than helping them remain on track. Tip: Keep reminding yourself that clearing the air and guiding a volunteer is a growing experience for all of you and you will get through this.

    Practice your opening line: “I wanted to sit down with you today and chat about how things are going,” is fine, but volunteers really need us to get to the point. The more you dance around the topic, the more uncomfortable it becomes for you and the volunteer. It’s better if you nicely state the complaint up front. “Emma, I wanted to meet with you today, because one of the visitors to our museum called us to say that last Friday you were too busy to show their disabled son where the bathroom was located. You are one of our finest docents and have been for over five years now and I want to hear your side of the story. Do you recall this particular incident?” Tip: Tell yourself to use the exact words of the complaint-don’t water them down because the volunteer deserves the opportunity to respond to the exact charges that were brought.

    Don’t apologize for the conversation: Starting out with “I’m so sorry to call you in for this,” or “I hate that we have to talk about this” creates the impression that your organization’s ethical standards are meaningless. Tip: Tell yourself that being neutral, not apologetic helps the volunteer think and respond more clearly.

    Assure the volunteer that you are open-minded and fair but don’t put words in their mouth: “Emma, we want to hear your side of the story,” or, “Emma, let’s talk about what happened,” is better than saying, “I’m sure the complaint is unfounded,” or “this must be a misunderstanding.” Tip: Tell yourself that if the complaint is indeed a misunderstanding, then it will surely become obvious and not to worry. If the complaint is well founded, then you have an amazing opportunity to help this volunteer regain their footing.

    Don’t diminish the person(s) who made the complaint: Saying, “don’t worry, this person complains about everyone,” or “they probably just had a bad day,” negates the actual complaint. Tip: Tell yourself that bridging relationships is one of your strong skill sets and seeing both sides validated is a chance to bring both sides together.

    Allow ample time for discussion: Here is the area in which you will excel at nice-guy volunteer management. These conversations ebb and flow-but the savvy volunteer manager rides the spoken waves with the recurring message that the volunteer’s time and effort is invaluable and their concerns are worth hearing and discussing, even if their actions are in the wrong. Tip: Trust your instincts to tell you when you know the volunteer is satisfied that their feelings, opinions and aspirations are validated. That is when you can move forward with a resolution.

    Follow up with diligence: This step takes you from a manager to a leader. Speak with both parties after your initial conversation to ensure that the resolution works for both and that there are no lingering issues. Tip: Use your best mediation skills to assure both parties that your goal is to provide the finest volunteer involvement possible and that you believe in each person. Keep following up periodically until you see the resolution has been met.

    We can view difficult conversations in the same way we view traveling to a new place. We can tell ourselves that we will hate the new place by thinking things like “It’s going to be too hot,” “I will hate the food,” “the people are too strange,” etc. That usually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Or, like the person who welcomes traveling somewhere out of the comfort zone,  we can entertain the idea that this new experience will help us grow, both as a manager and leader.

    Choosing to grow and embrace challenging conversations will strengthen not only your program, but yourself as well. So, while it is perfectly normal to dread a difficult conversation, don’t let the opportunity to excel go to waste.

    You’re not the bad guy, you’re the leader.

    -Meridian

     

  • May I “Trouble” You For a Plan?

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    “There was something about Jules,” Jake recalled, “something just off. She didn’t seem to connect with the program nor with other staff and volunteers. She never looked me in the eye. She made off the wall comments to other volunteers.She even started to call me after hours with odd requests about volunteering; for example, she called me one Sunday night to see if it would be okay to bake doggie cookies to bring to any staff that owned dogs . Frankly, I had an uncomfortable feeling about her but had no idea what to do about it because she passed our background check.”

    Oh boy. We deal with all types of people who are potential volunteers. And unless we are conducting clinical psychological testing sessions with each one, we have to pretty much trust our instincts and judgement when working with volunteers who set off that gnawing gut feeling that something is just “off.”

    But. on the flip side, we also walk alongside some pretty amazing people who might be going through common personal issues that render them sensitive such as:

    Loneliness/Socially ostracized

    Grief/Loss of job/Loss of home/Loss of identity

    Illness/Caregiving

    So, if the overwhelming majority of volunteers are wonderful, then isn’t it overkill to treat every volunteer as potentially snapping? On the other hand, do we blissfully think we can fix everyone’s challenges by our cheery encouragement? Or is there a professional medium?

    I recall a brand new volunteer, Kristof, who had a very strong, almost in your face personality. He passed all background checks. He said the right things in training. But a long-term volunteer, Jim, who was a fellow member of a club Kristof belonged to, told me in confidence that Kristof had threatened to hit a fellow club member.

    Now what do we do with second-hand knowledge? Could I hold that against Kristof? Was he a violent man? I hadn’t witnessed violent behavior, but proactively,  I assigned Kristof to a seasoned, mentoring volunteer. Also, in the agreement that Kristof and all other new volunteers signed, it stated that he was under a six month probationary period during which he would be evaluated and could be terminated at any time for rule violation, including threatening or inappropriate behavior.

    Sure enough, after about three weeks, one of the mentoring volunteers came to me and said that Kristof had made a threatening gesture towards him. It seems that Kristof did not appreciate being told that he could not go and do whatever he wanted.

    So, I called the head of security, Charles and asked him to accompany me and a senior manager in a meeting with Kristof. Thank goodness for Charles. He stood like a statue in the closed doorway, saying nothing, but speaking volumes about our seriousness. I talked with Kristof about the presumed threat. He got angry and said to me, “I see what this is about. I know what you are doing.” I reiterated our policy and he looked at Charles. “I don’t want to be here anyway,” he said. “I quit.”

    We walk a fine line here. Being proactive with volunteers prevents surprises and even tragedy down the line. Here are a few things to keep in mind when those little red flags start to flutter before your eyes:

    1. Be aware and monitor-enlist trusted volunteer mentors to help monitor all new volunteers
    2. Have expectations and rules written out and signed by each volunteer
    3. Put probationary periods in place for all new volunteers
    4. Never counsel volunteers alone
    5. Involve security if necessary
    6. Document all “red flag” behavior
    7. Create a step by step procedure to address situations before one arises
    8. Script a conversation that is neutral, professional yet firm
    9. Involve appropriate staff members within the organization
    10. Know risk management assessments, volunteer rights and legal pitfalls

    While volunteer managers excel at coaching, inspiring, mentoring and cultivating volunteers, we cannot stick our heads in the sand. Nice people and nice organizations can sadly sometimes be a place that feels right for folks with less than honorable intentions.

    Was Jake wise to be concerned about Jules? Yes, because he trusted his instinctive ability to lead. With his heightened awareness, he could then proceed to monitor and/or cultivate Jules’ volunteering. Having a plan in place to act quickly and professionally does not mean that you are suspicious of everyone and everything. It just means that you are prepared to handle difficult situations should they arise. And you are prepared to be a leader.

    -Meridian

     

     

     

  • But What Are The Values?

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    When Amar answered the ad for a volunteer coordinator, he was certain that he could fulfill the stated requirements. “It was pretty straightforward,” he said, “and although I had not managed volunteers previously, I did have experience in non-profit work. So, I applied and was hired. I worked there for four years, and now, when looking back at that recruitment ad, I wonder why they included along with all the skills required, the phrase, ‘and uphold the values of the organization’. In retrospect, I left that job because I came to really wonder what their values were.”

    Amar continued, “our mission was very clear. Our service delivery was excellent. Recruiting and training volunteers was going well and I felt that their contributions were generally regarded as meaningful. But internally, our organization was a mess. People routinely stabbed one another in the back. The CEO practiced rampant favoritism, set exclusionary rules and so morale was pitifully low, even though everyone worked hard at their jobs. It was as if our organization had a community face for our recipients, donors and general public and then behind closed doors, this dark side emerged. I began to wonder which face was actually the real face of the organization and what really were the values. Fairness? Not that I saw. Inspiration? No, staff was pretty much left to find inspiration where they could. It became a place where you took pride in your work, although you hated coming to work.”

    Can those of us who work in the non-profit world turn our kindness off and on? Can our volunteers also turn it off and on? If we treat clients with tenderness while treating other staff or volunteers with disdain, is it truly genuine? I often wondered that when working with a few volunteers who had a nasty side. I wondered, “how can honest kindness be selective?”

    Amar left his job and found another one. “I walked into a new place that did not speak openly about their values, but instead, showed them daily. Staff was genuinely kind and supportive of each other. Volunteers responded in that atmosphere and accomplished so many amazing things. I took a pay cut, but could not be happier. A value based organization that lives their values is far more rewarding than a larger paycheck accompanied by the stress of working with mean-spirited people.”

    Mahatma Gandhi once said,  “The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” That makes me wonder if  the greatness of an organization can be judged by the way everyone within and without is treated, including its staff, volunteers, the delivery people, visitors, the repairmen or even someone who wanders in off the street.

    Is a culture of kindness so thin that it is able to be turned on and off? If so, then it’s a veil and not really a culture, isn’t it?

    -Meridian

  • See, Hear, Then Feel

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    “I walked into this position without any experience,” says Miriam, a tiny freckled redhead with sea blue glasses. “I had no idea what to expect since I had never worked with volunteers before. My supervisor told me to come in with a purpose, to take charge. They gave me a volunteer manual so that I could train new volunteers and a list of rules.” Miriam sighed. “No one encouraged me to listen to the existing volunteers, to hear their stories, to get their history. Actually, a couple of long-term volunteers wanted me to shadow them, to see what it is they do but I felt like my manager wanted me to establish the program without too much volunteer input. For whatever reason, I didn’t shadow those volunteers and now I think I regret that.”

    Oh boy. Walking into an established program is tough. How do you meet the expectations of the organization yet give power to the volunteers? How much weight do you give to how things were done before? How much immediate control do you need to establish? Is there a happy medium?

    I remember the day I walked into an established program. I was scared because I had no idea how the volunteers did what they did. How can someone who knows nothing, tell them how to volunteer? How could I train new volunteers with no idea of what it was like?

    Fortunately, a lifesaver named Mary took pity on me. Mary had been volunteering for some time and she saw how lost I was and because, luckily she wanted me and the program to succeed, she burst into the office one day and took my arm. “C’mon,” she said, “I want to take you with me to meet my hospice patient.”

    She drove me to this nondescript house. Mary explained, “the caregiver is a neighbor who took the patient into her home after the patient’s husband died. They had no children.” We knocked and entered the modest home which to me, felt like a labyrinth of secrets and unknown societies. The patient, Emma, a child’s smile touching the corners of her lips, watched as Mary greeted her caregiver and neighbor, Francine. I was introduced to both and I folded myself inconspicuously into a corner to observe. Francine, who was going out on errands while we sat with Emma, whirled around the living room, searching for keys, lists of groceries, and gathering papers to drop at the bank. Mary’s visit was her once a week chance to get her errands done. With a manic intensity, Francine showed Mary where everything she could possibly need was located, all the while assuring us that she would return as quickly as possible. There was this wild energy in the room. I couldn’t look away from the enormous responsibility of Francine.

    But then I watched calm Mary, who had been gently stroking Emma’s hand while steadily gazing into her eyes. “Just a moment,” Mary said to her as she got up from Emma’s side. She walked over to Francine who had just checked her purse again and was opening the door to leave, still mumbling over and over that she wouldn’t be gone long. Mary gently wrapped her arm around Francine’s shoulders and said, “you are doing a remarkable job. We can all see how difficult this is and you are doing it with grace. You need to know what a blessing you are to Emma.”

    And then it happened. I heard the catch in Francine’s voice. I saw her shoulders rise and her expression change. I felt the waves of encouragement wash over her. I experienced the renewal she felt.
    And in that brief moment, in that tiny living room, Mary opened up the world of volunteering to me.

    Being able to connect with our volunteers as they change the lives of those we serve is a precious gift. The moments we are privileged to witness inspire us, teach us and equip us to enlist others in important work.

    Our volunteers are teachers too. From them we learn to see, to hear and to feel. And then, armed with those gifts in our fingertips, we can put our rules and expectations in place.

    -Meridian

  • Frustration

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    “It’s just so frustrating,” volunteer manager Elsie says. “I have this volunteer, Abbie. She is without a doubt, the most talented artist I have ever met. She has a heart and soul full of giving. So why am I frustrated? Well, we have asked Abbie to create posters for our program and she readily agreed. Everyone here knows her talent and is excited to see her work, but Abbie is continually chatting up the staff, starting posters over, and in general just wasting time. I nicely try to remind her that we have deadlines and needs, but she continues to drag things on and on. I’m spending an awful lot of time with her because she brings so much potential to the table.”

    Oh boy, the volunteer who frustrates. I’ve had them, and I’m sure you’ve had them too. I remember a volunteer who was so talented, but so needy, a volunteer who was so accomplished but so critical, one that was so loved by staff, but went so far off the rails.

    One in particular stands out. I’ll call her Tanya. Tanya had this incredible ability to connect with family members. She could enter a room and be a trusted insider within an hour. Watching her engage with a devastated family was like standing at the edge of a powerful waterfall. The sheer energy was awesome.

    But, away from a client and family, Tanya was all drama. Her life was upside down, inside out in a whirlpool of turmoil. For years, I was her sounding board. For years I soothed her spirit and dried her tears, all because I witnessed such potential in her. I would think, “if only she could stop fighting with her family,” or, “if only she wouldn’t look to stir the pot all the time and instead concentrate on her gifts.”

    For years I hoped she would view her life the way she viewed her volunteering. I cared deeply about her and, just as we care about all of our volunteers, wanted to see her succeed, not only in volunteering, but in life. She had the personal tools to be great. It killed me to see her waste that by alienating and fighting with friends, peers and relatives.

    One day Tanya turned on me. I left her to simmer and take time off and she came back as if nothing happened. But then, she turned on me again and this time stabbed me in the back. Fellow volunteer coordinators sympathized and refrained from saying, “I told you so,” even though they had warned me that this would happen.

    Do I regret trying to mentor Tanya? No, I don’t. Am I bitter? No, honestly not, because I saw so many clients benefit from her extraordinary talent. Would I do it again? That’s a tough one. How do you look at a formidable waterfall and try to keep it from breaking the rocks below?

    We all will occasionally interact with people who frustrate us because we are in the business of cultivating potential and it’s hard to watch incredibly talented people sabotage themselves. We care about our volunteers and wish them well in all aspects of their lives.

    But maybe, part of the frustration is in trying to change people. Is that really our job? Is getting involved in a volunteer’s personality traits a part of developing great volunteers?

    Now as I look back, I think that a great deal of my frustration with Tanya came from the idea that I could change her, make her a “better” person instead of accepting her for who she was and concentrating on her volunteering. And really, who am I to think that I could make her perfect, that I could control that energy?

    So, I still feel a small pang of frustration, but really not as much with Tanya, but with myself for being more of an enabler than a volunteer manager.

    My take away, I guess is to be careful, because sometimes, when standing on the mossy edge of that powerful waterfall, you can slip and fall in.

    -Meridian

     

     

     

  • Recruitment Gone Wrong, Very Wrong

     

     

  • Slaying the Beast

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    Beowulf slays the dragon: 1908 illustration by J. R. Skelton

    Emil shook his head. “Everything I’ve done and worked so hard for, it’s now being looked at as inadequate, even wrong.” He paused, then said, “I’ve been building this volunteer program for over five years now. I’ve increased our volunteer base by 125%. I’ve introduced new ways for volunteers to be involved. I’ve gotten media mentions of our volunteers and just last year I wrote an award nomination for a volunteer that won a local award. So, why, now, do I feel as though I am a failure?”

    Emil stopped, then quietly added. “It all started when a brand new upper level manager, Chloe, took over for my manager, Stefan, who quit. Actually I heard that Stefan was pretty much drummed out of here. Why, I don’t know, but I know he fell into disfavor with our CEO. Chloe was hired, as I hear it, to ‘clean up’ Stefan’s departments. It seems as though Chloe has targeted volunteer services before she even met me or took a look at all the successful programs that we have in place. Can we improve? Sure, we can always improve, but surely not everything I’ve accomplished is inadequate. I feel like I was targeted by Chloe from the beginning.”

    Ahhhhhh, yes, this scenario is the kind of nightmare that can wake you up in a sweat faster than Count Dracula puncturing your jugular.

    The “Slayer,” that incoming manager who was hired or given permission to “clean up” needs to find a beast to slay. Sometimes a beast does exist. For instance, if employees are stealing, or a department is not producing or there is a mutiny afoot, then cleanup is definitely necessary. But if there is not a real beast to slay and the slayer has been given vague directions, then the slayer needs to manufacture one in order to justify his or her position. And sometimes the slayer is a fellow manager or employee who, for whatever reason, has decided to further their standing by skewering you and your department

    As the target of the slayer, it is natural to become completely discouraged. It is easy to become angry, to look at the hard work you have done and think that it has been for naught. It is easy to retaliate or to withdraw but that is an emotionally charged reaction.

    Instead, because volunteer managers have the skills to work well with anyone, then, even though this becomes personal, those skills can still help.  Trust me, this sticky situation is one of the tougher ones and can be some of the hardest work you’ll ever do, especially if upper management is looking for a beast to slay out of their own emotional reasoning.

    Here’s one way to begin dealing with a slayer in a non-emotional, solutions oriented manner: Deflect to a workable goal for all.  You can say, “so very glad to meet you. I’ve heard some encouraging things about you and look forward to making volunteer services even better.” (Ok, you might dry heave a little, but hold that professional stance). Then, show this person all the great things about your volunteer program and point to the things that you feel can be improved-it doesn’t hurt if you can offer some stats, like,  “we can certainly use help with media coverage, we’d love to get to a 15% increase in volunteers this year. Can you help us with that?” or, “You know, I am having the hardest time educating our staff on all the areas our volunteers can be involved in. I sure could use someone with your expertise to create a sustainable educational program.”

    Trying to work with the slayer instead of against the slayer will at least take back some of the control. But here’s the secondary point:

    Complacency in showcasing volunteer achievements can invite a slayer in. We may think that everyone, including administration, is aware of all the great things volunteers are accomplishing, but in reality, upper management may be hearing cherry picked instances of volunteer absences, or mistakes. They may not know all the good things going on. Proactively making sure that positive volunteer reports reach the highest level of your organization can be a shield against a slayer.

    Then, when that sword gleams over your department, the slayer may look for a minute, shrug and say, “Huh, no beast here to slay,” and move on.

    -Meridian

     

     

  • Retreating Forward

    “Electricity is really just organized lightning”
    ― George Carlin

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    Overlooking a meandering river, the retreat lodge sat, looking like a peaceful bed and breakfast, a place to rest and read a book, or to watch the sun set over the ravine. But inside the rustic walls, I could almost hear the animated voices of the many educational and informative sessions that came before.  This was a place of learning and sharing and as I unpacked, I felt my anticipation grow.

    For three days, hospice volunteer managers from Texas and New Mexico gathered to learn and share. I was fortunate and humbled to be invited. I came a stranger and left a peer because of their warm welcome. (I’m not mentioning names to protect their privacy)

    So many things stand out from my time with these incredible volunteer leaders. From the thoughtful way they looked at workshop scenarios to the humor and encouragement they shared with each other, there was a spark of electricity in this serene place. One evening, a storm rolled over the countryside and we sat on the porch, watching the spider fingers of lightening illuminate the clouds.  It was a fitting scene for it mirrored the ebb of creativity that crackled across the room each day.

    Every one of their discussions pointed to excellence, and were about providing the best possible volunteer experiences for not only the volunteers, but for the patients and their families as well. It was so encouraging to hear a message of support from their passionate senior manager and it was invigorating to hear them wish to help non-volunteer department staff understand the importance of working with volunteers.

    And here’s the thing from within these walls of wisdom: We, volunteer managers and leaders have so much in common. A few questions or comments took me way way back to my first days as a volunteer manager. But I got their meaning right away because I had the same questions and feelings too. So much has changed over the past twenty years in the field of volunteer management, but so much is still the same.

    We may recruit differently now.   We may use social media more now. We may work with newer generations now. We may rely on risk management more now. We may have many more reports and stats to compile now. But we all still feel incredibly privileged to work with such selfless, talented and inspiring human beings. We still worry that we aren’t doing enough to keep our volunteers. We still struggle with keeping chaos at bay. We still have a way to go to help people understand the complexities of our jobs.

    But we are not alone. There are so many of us out there, working to elevate our profession and to ensure that volunteers and volunteer programs receive the recognition and support they deserve.

    It doesn’t matter if you are new to volunteer management or if you’ve done this for many years. There are insights to glean and practices to learn everywhere and from what I’ve found, we are a group of folks who are willing to share our successes and challenges.

    What value does peer to peer relationships have? Why do we feel energized after peer group meetings? Well, since childhood, unless we grew up alone, peers have had an influence on us. Most of the influencing throughout our lives comes from family, friends, acquaintances and fellow workers. And for volunteer managers, those influences may not really understand our challenges.

    Our fellow volunteer managers, who do not know us other than a common profession, can influence us in an energizing way by sharing best practices, offering helpful solutions and encouraging us through similar challenges. These are electrifying thoughts: “I’m not alone. I’m not crazy, because others have these problems. I’m on the right track, because I helped someone with their problems.”

    Peer to peer is like taking a vitamin. We need it. Our professional bodies thrive on it. And as more online volunteer manager groups grow and more peer group meetings happen, we will see a stronger, more robust community of volunteer management leaders.

    I have this image in which we are all gathered on a shared porch, looking up into the sky where we can send out flashes of bright light to one another through the clouds.

    And, as peers,  together, we can retreat forward, to excellence.

    -Meridian

  • The Light

     

     

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    I am waking up right now to another great day with a group of volunteer mangers at at retreat in beautiful central Texas.

    To be with fellow managers who are excited about their programs, speak glowingly about their volunteers and humbly about the people they serve fills my heart and soul with pure joy. It can’t get any better than this.

    I can’t imagine a group of people who work harder to bring light into the world. Volunteer managers are a breed unto their own. Diligent, curious, industrious and determined, this group of folks is making a real difference in their communities. From the newbies to the seasoned leaders, there is a shared love of mankind and a sense that good is to be had, if only you reach for it.

    I am learning here, and hopefully growing. I am filling up the lamp with shared passion and love of service.

    More on this later. I’ve got to go. I don’t want to miss a minute of the light.

    -Meridian

     

  • when a question is not a question

    Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

    “So, are we supposed to come back tomorrow for more in-depth training?” Doris asked Mikki, the volunteer coordinator.

    “Um, no,” Mikki returned, puzzled at the question. “I’m sorry if I gave that impression. Today is the only day of training, at least in the beginning. We will be interviewing each one of you for your assignment next week. Is that ok?”

    “Hmmm,” Doris said and paused. “I suppose so.”

    Down the road, volunteer manager Don stopped in the hallway to chat with Jeremy, a volunteer. “I have five of our best volunteers lined up for the event next week,” he said, proudly, “including you. I am just awaiting instructions as to start time and assignments. Jeremy shifted and asked Don, “is your volunteer Chad one of the ones who will be there?”

    “Yes, actually he is,” Don answered. “Is that a problem?”

    “Just wondering,” Jeremy said after a moment and then he shrugged his shoulders.

    Occasionally we are faced with statements concealed within questions and often these statements are thinly veiled criticisms. And since it is difficult to respond to a question with anything but an answer, you end up defending something you didn’t know you needed to defend in the first place.

    I remember a volunteer Gladys, who threw these “critiquestions” like a pitcher striking out a string of batters. “Are you planning on giving that assignment to Hershel?” she’d ask, one eyebrow arching skywards in lofty judgment. “Is that the wording in the letter you are sending to all the volunteers?”

    Being on the defensive is not the best position for volunteer managers. It is not ideal, defending every decision made, whether it is yours or your organizations’. Volunteers do have a right to know why decisions are made, but a barrage of constant critiques is counter productive. We want to keep our volunteers from becoming embroiled in organizational politics so we don’t share any political reasons for our actions. We also want them to experience the mission in its purest form, so explaining the nuances of policy is an art form in itself.

    Dismissive phrases such as “I don’t make the rules, it’s just the way it is,” or “I agree, that policy is stupid but we are stuck with it,” doesn’t help the volunteer and actually encourages them to ramp up their criticisms. We can certainly hear their concerns while encouraging them to work within the system . “I understand your criticism, but here is the reasoning behind this policy or decision.”

    Not every volunteer will agree with your style of managing volunteers, or your system for reporting hours or your training methods or your assignments. Heck, there will be volunteers who dislike you personally from the start. This hurts, I know.

    But we’re not here to be liked by every volunteer who crosses paths with us. It would be nice, but it is unrealistic. Instead, we are creating an atmosphere in which volunteers feel connected to the work. So, for those volunteers who are overly nit picky and critical, the question becomes: How are they connected to their work? Are they deriving meaning out of helping, or are they deriving meaning out of the feeling they get when criticizing?

    And, if hyper critical volunteers, like Gladys are hard-working, efficient, reliable folks, you may find yourself overlooking their prickly questions. You may just turn a blind eye to their not so subtle barbs and tell yourself, “oh, it’s ok, I’ll put up with it because frankly, I need the help.”

    There’s a few ways to deflect these critiquestions so that it does not become the permanent way a volunteer interacts with you. Here are three I’ve used:

    Sincere honesty: “I’m noticing a tone of disapproval in your question. Can you tell me what you mean by that?”

    Reverse the power: “Hmm, why would you ask me that?”

    Humor: “C’mon, you know that everything we do makes no sense. That’s why I love working here!” Granted, this is flippant and doesn’t address the underlying behavior, but sometimes, I just needed to laugh.

    The point is, negative patterns often become established. Volunteer managers, being savvy leaders, can discourage a nit-picking pattern from forming by managing negativity head-on, having those difficult conversations and redirecting volunteers to the joy in mission work.

    And, the next time you get a question that isn’t really a question, acknowledge the criticism buried just below the surface. Dig it out and keep it from growing too big.

    -Meridian