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I happened to be in an outlying office when a woman came in with her son, asking about volunteer opportunities. The son had been in some serious trouble and had court ordered community service. I explained to her that we did not accept court ordered community service hours and apologized, offering her some other local organizations that might, although I know more and more are saying no, but that’s another story.

Hearing this, she offered me a list of reasons we might change our mind and take her son. These seem to be universal reasons, because pretty much everyone uses them when they are told no.

1. It wasn’t his fault, it was all a misunderstanding.  (very possible)

2. He really is a very good kid in spite of it. (this may, in fact be true)

3. He really wants to volunteer here and will continue after the hours are met. (Doubtful)

4. I will volunteer with him. (even so, I’m sorry)

5. We both love this organization. (I do appreciate that)

6. My sister (or another significant person) used your services 20 (or another number) years ago. (Probably true which is why you thought of us in the first place-I’m glad we were of help to you)

7. We’re desperate and we only have 3 (or another number) weeks left to complete this. (This is definitely true)

While it feels bad to turn people away, especially because they need us and you can see the desperation, we can’t let our emotions cloud our judgement. As cold as this sounds, we have to think of our clients, and yes, ourselves. How much time will it take to mentor, manage someone who is volunteering because they have to do so? Is their need greater than your ability to help? You have to look at it that way. Not, is their need greater than your desire to help, because that will probably not be true, but is their need greater than your ability to help?

So, the next day, I walk into my home office and guess who’s there? Yup, the mom and her son. They did not expect to see me there, they most likely thought another volunteer manager would see them and crumble under one of the rationalizations on their list. As kindly as I could, I reiterated what I had told them the day before.

Two things come to mind here. If you work with other volunteer managers, you all have to be on the same page and talk with one another. The other thing that strikes me is developing a thicker skin can sometimes lead to a cold and callous view of the world, but if within that skin still beats the heart of a good person, then a balance is struck.  While the nature of our jobs and probably the very nature of each one of us is helping others, we sometimes have to make the hard choices and live with them.

What haunts me is the image of a woman who needs to help her son no matter what. As a mom that pierces, and believe me, I didn’t turn away and dust them off. I think about them, hoping that they will find whatever help they need. As volunteer managers, can we fix the entire world and stretch ourselves to the breaking point or do we need to concentrate on our own corner and do that job well?  It’s a delicate balance, one which we all cross over at times because we feel for people. The problem is, when we give different answers on different days, we increase our chaos.

Ohm to you all!

-Meridian

There are some volunteers who are just, well, the best. They may not do the most work, nor create the biggest stir, but because you deal with them one on one, you get to know them. Really know them. You know their history, their personality, their quirks, and you end up liking everything about them. They are humble, continually deflecting praise back on to others. They are fun to be with and have a huge sense of life and the joy of it. They are funny, make you laugh and are easy to be with. And they take the work seriously, do it beautifully and make no fuss about it. They are genuinely with you to help. What a concept.

Fortunately I have quite a number of these great beings. One of them, I’ll call her Dottie has had some major health issues. I’m talking life threatening stuff. Being the full of life person, the change in lifestyle has been devastating for her. She has become the recipient of help, not the provider. Not too easy for a person who has given her whole life. The medications and effects of the disease has left her with much to deal with, including some fogginess, unsteady gait and other changes that embarrass the heck out of her. How do I know? Well, I didn’t, but I found out the hard way.

She had been avoiding us after her illness. I would call to tell her how much we missed her, but left her the message that we didn’t expect her back, we just missed her. Truth be told, I missed her, wanted her around, really craved that piece that was not there. So I invited her to everything benign or mundane, just to include her. After all, I didn’t want her to think I forgot, right? She refused most everything and I kept at it until one day she agreed and came to a meeting.

She was unsteady, out of breath, and foggy. She had multiple medications that were being adjusted because they were causing her all sorts of side effects that interfered with her life. She was having a hard, long time getting better.

Well, wouldn’t you know, she tried to stand up and fell and hurt herself. She had to be taken home and her concerned husband took her to the ER to be safe. She apologized profusely for interrupting the meeting and being such a burden.

So, although this happened a few months ago, the sting is still as biting as if the bee were just flying away. I was the one who practically walked into her house and kidnapped her. I caused her more embarrassment, not less. Was it my fault?  Maybe not, but she certainly would not have been in that situation except for my cheery encouragement. Did I mean for that to happen? Of course not, but that doesn’t lessen the guilt.

I think what I’ve taken away for this is we can’t always guarantee we know what’s best for anyone. let alone our volunteers. We just have to take them on their word when they tell us things outright and when they try to maintain their dignity beneath a veil of white lies or stony silence.

Our volunteers’ persona with us includes strength, courage, capability and helping. When that is taken from them, they may wish to retreat and not let us see their wounds. We, on the other hand want to mother them. Maybe they don’t want a mother so much as they want to be understood.

Maybe I need to allow them that shred of human dignity. Then maybe I won’t have this stinging feeling that it was all my fault.

-Meridian

I am orienting a new group of volunteers right now, new year, new crop, new start. While “breaking the ice” and making small talk, the subject turned to fingerprinting and liability. These new volunteers were sharing their stories of other places they volunteer for and how they are endlessly fingerprinted, background checked and often drug tested. I was amazed at how nonplussed they seemed about it all and thankful that they would not balk at another series of past probing by us.

However, I’ve had volunteers walk out, not return and simply hang up after hearing about all the red tape involved in volunteering. While we can simply think that only those who have checkered pasts will protest, it is getting tougher for everyone who wants to volunteer. We are asking people to “give something” and making it harder for them to do so.

On the other hand, do we want folks with serious crimes in their past to be placed with our vulnerable clients?

We are being squeezed by regulations and the sincere desire to do good. We need to be able to focus more on quality of volunteers versus quantity and the old “warm body” theory surely has been long buried.

We may be looking at less volunteer involvement in the future, but we can then concentrate on better involvement.We won’t be able to fill every niche, but those we fill will be solid.

It’s like wrestling the cocoon as it morphs. Messy, but hopefully there’s a butterfly in the end.

-Meridian

Brought in a speaker the other day and she was wowed by the turnout. She was impressed with the number of volunteers who would show up at the busiest time of the year to hear an educational piece. I was so proud of the volunteers that came, and as I looked around the room, I was reminded that each and every one of these folks who found the time to learn and improve themselves were conscientious, hard-working volunteers. While I know that instinctively, it’s also nice to be reminded, to see their faces, get warmed by their smiles and well wishes. Volunteer management is hard, hard work on a good day, but on a good day, the rewards and justifications are great. These are wonderful people, people you want as neighbors, citizens, friends and these are the people, that God forbid, if you need something, you would want them to be the ones to help.

They are humble to a fault, unassuming; kindness rolls through their veins. For much reward, much is required and all the work we do day in and day out, although the fruits of our labor may not be splashy or eye popping, the fruits are strong and enduring. I wouldn’t trade that for a quick “hey that was mind blowing” any day. Volunteer managers will probably never make the news (unless one of us does something really crazy) or get some prominent award, but we have put down secure roots and as we stand back and look at the majesty and strength of the forest, we rejoice in the lasting legacy.

Happy Holidays to you and yours and be proud of the great work you are doing.

-Meridian

So today I have a holiday get together for a group of volunteers who do some really incredible special projects that enhance the lives of our patients and families. These volunteers create crafts that are given to either patients or family members. These ladies are craftsman, artisans if you will, because each and every item is turned out with the skill and care of an artist.

I will create lunch for them, get tokens to take home, maybe craft a fun holiday game, but most of all, try to deliver an inspiring message about how much this means to our clients, blah, blah, blah.

I’ve invited other staff members to come, but guess what? They are too busy. Now I understand being busy and not having the time, but I’m not asking them to do my job, I’m asking them to just show up and thank these ladies for the hours and hours of work and love they have put into these crafts. Does the message sound better coming from staff who give out these crafts and see the reaction of those who benefit or it is better coming from me, the one paid to be there?

I would wager that the word volunteer appears only in the volunteer managers’ job description. Are the volunteers not everyone’s responsibility when it comes to praise, feelings of inclusion and worth? In a perfect world yes, but this world of volunteer management is far from perfect. We are the ones left to make the volunteers feel welcomed or needed. We are the ones to put on the thank you gatherings and then we have to relay the message from the organization. That’s a pretty weak message when it’s passed down through the channels.

Caring for volunteers should be part of everyone’s job description. Until that time, volunteers will continue to feel isolated and less than the very staff who benefit from their involvement.

Off I go to spread the good cheer and I hope these very deserving volunteers don’t notice that folks are too busy to stop by and thank them.

-Meridian

You know how we hover over our volunteers like mother hens? We protect them, buffer them, run interference for them constantly. We are like pageant moms on steroids. We think that by talking for the volunteer and interpreting staff’s comments, we can put up an invisible shield that will keep the volunteer from suffering the slings and arrows of staff not as “nice” as we are.

Anytime we set up staff to work with volunteers, we flit around to make sure that the volunteer is treated well, as if by our intentions alone, we can keep snippy comments or brusque attitudes at bay.

The other day an unknown staff member was working with a group of volunteers on an important project. Normally, I’d be in there, fetching coffee, patting backs, admiring work, but that day there were some pressing chores to be done and I left the work area for just a few minutes to go to my office. Just a few minutes, sigh.

I was on the phone when I saw the tears at the door so I quickly ended the conversation and hung up. But, the tears were pouring down the face of the staff member! At first I thought she had hurt herself, but she entered and in a quavering voice told me that she would not take the abuse from the volunteers. Excuse me?

Evidently she had given some directions that confused most of the volunteers and one became frustrated and challenged her on it. Unfortunately, instead of realizing that she was working with volunteers, she reacted as though she were with a fellow staff member and the volunteer didn’t like the tone and said so.

Wow. I thought volunteers were sensitive beings. I also got chewed out pretty good by this staff member’s supervisor. I should have been angry, but honestly, I thought the whole thing was so hilarious that I could barely contain my humble apologizing for the mean volunteer.  Yeah.

What I love about our jobs is the constant surprises and occasionally, the shocker.

Maybe I need to hover next time to buffer the staff from the rude volunteers. Or maybe I’ll just make sure the volunteer that made this staff member cry is included in all projects, just for entertainment value.

-Meridian

I got so excited the other day because a prospective volunteer came into the office to talk about how she could help our organization. She had just moved into the area to take care of her ailing mother and wanted some time to spend with her mom while doing something that was not corporate related. Armed with her resume that included a Master’s Degree and a wealth of experience, she thought she might help out in a very busy department. I made an appointment for her to see a representative, happily informing that staff member that we had a “cream of the crop” volunteer.

Twenty minutes later, the prospective volunteer came down and sat in my office. Deflated, she told me that really there was nothing for her to do in that overworked office. They offered her some clerical work and a chance to hand out brochures, but there was no welcome, no squeals of joy at meeting her, no fanfare. She said, “I didn’t get the same feeling there.”

When staff members or departments ask for help, do they really want it? Some are extremely busy and can’t take the time to cultivate a volunteer, but if that’s the case, then they should be honest and say they do not have the time it takes to cultivate a volunteer. Nothing is more deflating than being told that your skills are not needed. Although staff may not say that outright, they convey that message frequently to volunteers who come to help. “I really don’t want you. You’re too much trouble. I’m too busy.”

Until staff sees volunteers as a positive and embrace the willing help, then their requests for volunteers are nothing more than lip service. Time after time certain staff members turn away volunteers, make them feel unwelcome and do not prepare anything for them to do. Other staff members integrate volunteers successfully into their daily routines and go the extra mile by encouraging and cultivating the volunteer’s help. If some can do it, then all can do it.

When a department asks for volunteer help, they had better be prepared to receive it and not waste everyone’s time. When you continuously purchase goods at a store and return them, eventually the store bars you from shopping there. Sending volunteers to a staff member or department that can’t or won’t take the time to get to know them and utilize them is a dead end for us and the volunteer. I’ll shop elsewhere.

-Meridian

Hospices all over are starting to look at veterans in a different light. They are starting to honor and learn about the men and women who have served our country. It is nice to see the push to educate and help those who sacrificed for our freedoms and way of life. Veterans programs are popping up everywhere.

I have to tell you a story. For the past three years, I’ve been involved in a venture that raises money and honors veterans. A group of us put on an event that shows our local veterans how grateful we are for their service. I volunteer my time for this venture because I feel a connection with this cause and I, too, like most all volunteers reap the reward from volunteering because it does my heart good.

A man came to see our group while we were in the planning stages. He told us that he had served in Vietnam, had been captured, spent years in a POW camp, then escaped. He lived in the jungle while trying to get back across enemy lines. He existed on rats and bugs and contracted malaria. He was close to death when rescued.

He wanted to help with the event and we were honored to have him. In fact, we were so humbled by his presence and the looming spectre of what he must have endured so many years ago, that we didn’t know how to even thank him.

The day of the event he showed up in full dress uniform. He was a spectacular sight. Quietly he came over to us and said, “When I returned home from Vietnam, I was treated so badly that I took off my uniform and vowed never to put it on again. Today, because of this event, I put it on for the first time in 40 some years.”

That quiet statement hit me square in the heart with the force of a thousand stories. In that moment, all the work, all the stress, all the extra effort fell by the wayside and I experienced the pure joy of doing the right thing.

How often do we do something because it is right, but yet never hear the impact it has on others? How many people have you impacted today? You may never know today, but there will always be those days, even if they are few and far between when someone will tell you how much your work means to them.

I always tell the volunteers to multiply those moments by a hundred. We should do that ourselves as well. The nuggets are there, especially if you believe in what you are doing.

Thank you to all those who have served our nation. It is an honor serving you now that you are home.

_Meridian

I was just speaking with a staff member about how she feels about her work. There is a a bruised quality to her tale and a sad sense of “something missing”from her experience. I know what that”something missing” is. She used to be a volunteer.

This is an interesting phenomenon, a volunteer transitioning into becoming a staff member. I’ve know quite a number, because logically, the very good volunteers can one day become staff. After all, we are all looking for the best people, right? Now, there’s a huge difference between those volunteers who come to us looking for a job in the first place and the volunteers who did not start off wanting a job, but somehow they were in the right employment place at the time. I’m speaking of volunteers who become staff members after years of volunteering.

I’m talking about going from the praise, encouragement, cheer leading, meaningful work environment of the volunteer side to the reality driven, “you are expected to do your job” side of employment. It’s somewhat like stepping out of your warm house on a sub zero morning. That rush of ice cold air enters your lungs and it hurts. “Where’s my hot chocolate and footies,” you lament. Those items are not out here.

I’ve actually stood by and witnessed a volunteer turned staff struggle for years trying to merge the two experiences. It’s a painful journey for both of us, since I was her volunteer coordinator and I know the tremendous difference she made in the lives of our patients and families. Other staff members who came from the volunteer world will tell me the same thing in varying degrees of honesty. It’s not the same in here.

One of the ways volunteer managers keep volunteers coming back time after time is by shielding them from the internal nonsense of our organizations. We shield them from overbearing managers, from economic concerns, from mercenary marketing schemes and from the daily grind. We serve up the part of our organizations that should be on the forefront and sometimes is not.

Should we prepare our volunteers for possible employment? I personally don’t think so. The vast majority of volunteers do not want to work for our organizations. They want to be part time, have that rich and rewarding volunteer experience and then go home fullfilled. They don’t want the things we deal with day after day. Frankly, I don’t want to give them access to the inner workings of the organization. They may not like what they see as much as the version they see now. Because we, as volunteer managers absorb, deflect and hide the trivial and annoying, our volunteers are free to do good work that is pure and untainted. That is a wonderful gift we give to them and we should be proud of that gift. And the gift of an unfettered volunteer to those we serve is truly remarkable.

There’s another reason not to let volunteers be part of the noisy, grinding engine that is the core of our organizations. Instead of being an oil filter, the volunteers are the steering wheel that keeps our organizations headed in the right direction.That other reason? We, volunteer managers want to ride up front where the view is spectacular, too.

-Meridian

While I do appreciate marketing people and realize we need them to get out the word on services we provide, I am always stunned at their lack of understanding when it comes to volunteers and staff for that matter. Marketing people have a “vision” and the rest of us are all props in that vision. Trouble is, staff is paid and has to put up with marketing shenanigans, volunteers are not and do not have to put up with ridiculous requests.

When volunteers are asked to show up, stand around useless for hours in case something might happen for a photo-op, it gets really hard trying to convince smart people that this is a good idea. Of course the smart people are the ones they want, because they make the best photo-op, but the smarter the volunteers are, the more they see the photo-op for what it is, a stunt.

Volunteers don’t come to us wishing to be stunt men, props, photo ops or smiles on a billboard. They come to us for real volunteer experiences. I don’t think for a minute that marketing people will ever get that, because they see all of us as a means to an end. The question then becomes, does this end justify the time of volunteers who could be doing the real work?

We’ll see. I’ll ask, but savvy volunteers will see this for what it is. Savvy volunteers want a role in an independent film that is meaningful, not a stint as a stunt person for some slick blockbuster.

-Meridian