volunteerplaintalk

Tag: volunteering

  • The Hard Part

    Just visited a volunteer in the hospital on Friday. This is something we all do routinely; visit in the hospital, attend funerals of spouses, send get well cards and flowers, mourn the passing of relatives and bring casseroles to homes. Our volunteers are more than just unpaid help and the more we nurture them for duty, the more we get personally meshed in their lives. Unless we are stone cold beings, we are affected greatly by the things that befall our charges. They hurt, we feel. And because we have so many more part-time volunteers, we have more human element on our plate than any HR manager. It is our burden to bear.

    This volunteer has inoperable cancer. Now, working for a hospice, this doesn’t come as some huge surprise. He was losing weight. He was worried and scared. He knew before they told him, but being a private, independent person, he kept us at an arm’s length until he was sure. Now, he let us in. He talks about quality of life. He wants to continue to volunteer. His son was touched by how well we knew his Dad, how we had inside jokes with him, how we reminisced over 12 years of service. His Dad is more than the guy who works on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He’s as human to us as a member of our family. And so we prepare ourselves to walk this last journey with him. Tears, loss, and hurt will be our companion. To care is to feel and when you manage volunteers, your feelings are open at all times. We bare ourselves emotionally because we care that these people get something out of their volunteering and so ultimately, we care about them.

    All the encouragement, the jokes, the listening, the training, the feedback, the inquiring, the answering, the building? That was easy.

    Now once again, comes the hard part: The goodbye.

    _Meridian

  • Don’t Sit by the Phone

    A friend of mine called me yesterday with a problem. She volunteers in a thrift store for a local organization that helps victims of domestic violence. Every Saturday, she is scheduled to work from noon until 3pm. She has been doing this for two years.

    She told me that since Christmas, it has been hard for her to get to the shop. She’s had numerous out-of-town trips to see ill family members, and oftentimes her job requires her to work on a Saturday. She tells me she is diligent about calling to let them know she will not be there. The last time she had to go out-of-town, she called to let the manager know and was told that new volunteers were starting on Saturdays and to call when she got back. She called and was told that the shop would contact her when they needed her. This was about 3 weeks ago.

    My friend is angry, confused and upset. In her mind, she did everything right and her two years of service is being discounted. She feels as though she’s been cast aside for an unknown new person. She is really hurt. She is so hurt that she is telling everyone she knows about the shoddy treatment she received.

    Hmmmmm. From a volunteer manager perspective, I can only guess that the shop really depended on my friend and that each time she could not be there caused great hardship on the manager. We all know that oftentimes it is the volunteer manager who has to replace the volunteer when they are unavailable. This makes our jobs so much harder. What volunteers don’t realize is that they are not alone in calling off. Depending upon the type of volunteer role, volunteer managers can be left doing the job of three people at any given time. If this happens day after day, the volunteer manager can grow tired of filling in and will look to someone new who might exhibit a stronger commitment.

    However, what we always have to keep in mind is the perception of the volunteer. If they believe that they have given excellent help, have followed the rules and are diligent about reporting absences, that is all they will be able to perceive. I’ve had the unfortunate experience of trying to salvage a relationship with a hurt volunteer more times than I can ever count. Perception is everything.

    Was my friend a good volunteer? I don’t know, I wasn’t there to observe her. Was her manager just looking for a way to get rid of her because she was not performing well?  I don’t know that either. I do know that volunteers who are “fired” by never calling them are not happy. Clarity is necessary, especially when the message is a delicate one. Leaving volunteers hanging, not knowing if we want them or why we don’t want them is tantamount to unleashing a barrage of negative advertising. They will talk about us, even more than the volunteer who is happy.

    Not everyone can remain a volunteer. If we do need to let someone go, it’s better that they understand why. My friend has been hurt by her experience. The volunteer manager who left her hanging probably soured my friend on volunteering. That means we’ve all lost another volunteer. And we can’t afford to do that to one another.

    -Meridian

  • Happy Volunteer Appreciation Week Ben!

    It’s volunteer appreciation week and there are all sorts of festivities going on. The volunteers are so gracious about being thanked; it’s a love fest!

    There’s a volunteer, Ben whom I just love. He’s an old union steward, grouchy, snarly and full of Ben-isms. Whenever he sees me coming, he screws up his face and asks, “Oh! what brings you down from your lofty office?”

    When I answer in my most sweetest voice, “to see you Ben, of course,” he follows up with “probably on your way to another pointless meeting.”

    I love sparring with Ben. He comes to do the job, take jabs at me, and then goes home. He’s prompt, hard working and funny as all get out.

    Yesterday he made a comment about how easy my job was. “Really?” I said, my inner hackles up. “what makes you think it’s easy?”

    “C’mon,” he sneered. “you tell people where to be and then you go have coffee.”

    Hmmm, that does sound a bit like my job.

    I said, “Ben, how many different managerial styles are there when it comes to volunteers?” I know how much he detests management and mumbo jumbo about styles.

    “One. show up!”

    “Ok,” I said, ready to play the game. ” how about Jerri? Do I use the same style with Jerri that I use with you?” Jerri is an elderly lady that volunteers at the same time Ben does.

    “Well yeah!”

    “She wouldn’t come back if I talked to her the way I talk to you.”

    He shifted. “Ok, well, that’s just her.”

    “Well, what works for her might not work for you, or the next volunteer. We don’t have pay hanging over their heads. We have to actually be engaged with volunteers.”

    Ben looked at me hard. I had stopped playing the game in his mind. “I gotta go, my times up.” He went for his jacket. “You go back to your meetings now, don’t let me stop you.”

    “I will. And Ben? Happy Volunteer Appreciation Week.”

    “Load of crap.” he said as he left.

    I love you Ben.

    _Meridian

     

  • What Do You REALLY Want?

    I have this wonderful volunteer, Magda, who has all sorts of life experiences, college training and has lived in many interesting places. She has dabbled in mysticism, spiritualism and healing. She is fascinating to listen to and a pleasure to be around. Every time she comes in, I carve out some much needed time to sit and talk with her. She not only gives me a break, she makes me think.

    I asked her one day about some of the group exercizes she has participated in, thinking that I might be able to adopt some into volunteer orientation. The volunteers always seem to get a lot out of groups, and it gives them a chance to participate and explore.

    Magda thought about it and then offered an exercise she felt was enlightening. It goes like this: Two people sit facing each other. They take turns asking the question, “what do you really want” over and over again. The question becomes the nudge into helping people discover their inner hopes and desires.

    Thinking this might be something worthwhile for volunteers, I asked if we might try it. Madga went first. I asked her the question and she talked about peace and serenity. I asked it again and she talked about her place in the world. I asked again and she elaborated on her life and her inner desires. It was wonderful.

    My turn came next. She looked at me squarely and said, “what do you really want?” At that moment, instead of voicing all the wonderful things I wanted to say or thought I should say, my mind shut like the hatch of a nuclear submarine. Nothing came out. I looked at her blankly, so she gently asked again, “what do you really want?”

    Images flooded into my head. World peace? A hot shower? A bowl of Cheerios? I couldn’t think of a thing I wanted. Magda, sensing my frustration, said, “just start small, like a candy bar, or a sip of lemonade.” Again, my mind closed. “I can’t,” I whispered, horrified that I just proved there is something really wrong with me.

    Thankfully, she laughed. “Your reaction is not that unusual,” she said. “It mostly happens to people in helping professions. They’re so busy that they never stop to think about what it is they personally want, because they are too concerned with what others want and need.”

    That made me feel much better and got me to thinking about volunteer managers. We have to be concerned with the wants and needs of clients, other staff, administration and all of our volunteers. We juggle these wants and needs continually, listening closely to volunteer stories, soothing hurt feelings, and probing for motivations. We are on heightened alert at all times. It’s no wonder that we would fail this exercise. It’s not that we don’t know what we want, it’s that we don’t have time to explore it and so, when forced to think about it, our minds just shut down.

    Are we important? No, I mean, do we count as individuals, not just as helpers? Volunteer managers can run the risk of losing themselves in the job. If that happens, we’ll be lousy at all the fun group games. I’m going to guess that you, just like I want to participate once in a while.

    So, go look into a mirror and ask yourself this question, “What do I REALLY want?” Don’t leave until you get an answer.

    -Meridian

  • A Life of Its Own

    Last night I slipped into my chair at a committee gathering. This is a committee I started over four years ago and have been active in ever since. The first four years were hard and I have spent hours on the projects this committee oversees. Every member of this committee has put in sweat, ideas and love for the outcomes. It is without a doubt, the best committee I have ever been involved with. We spend our time enjoying each other’s company while we plan hard.

    We’ve been on hiatus for about three months. Truth be told, in December, we collectively kicked around the idea of disbanding because the amount of work we do is enormous. After four years, we were just plain weary. But last month, I started getting calls from the members. “Are we going to meet again?” “Have we decided to scrap the committee, because I might be ready to give it one more shot.”

    And so we met. As I slipped into my seat, I looked around at everyone who came back again. Only one person was missing. We even had someone return who had been battling a terrible illness and we added two new members. It was a big and raucous group. The meeting lasted four hours. Now, normally, meetings lasting more than 59 minutes are painful, but not this one. We laughed, reviewed and got excited again. Everyone brought fresh and outstanding ideas.

    For the first time since the formation, I did not say much. I took the minutes, nodded and put in a few comments, but mostly I listened while I soaked in the enthusiasm.

    And you know what? Never once did I feel overshadowed or ignored. I watched the group play off one another, picking up cues from each offered idea to go further, to get more creative. And basking in the loud chatter, I felt good, really, really good.

    To me, the purpose of creating committees to oversee projects or events is to find those who genuinely believe in the work, those who will bring their creative chops and revel in the outcome. It doesn’t hurt to like or respect each other either.

    This group is all of that and a cherry on top. Honestly, I like the feeling that I could quietly slip away and they would continue on beautifully. It’s not mine anymore and it probably never was. It has a life of its own.

    -Meridian

  • Proceed Until Apprehended

    I just finished creating a new voice mail message, one that replaces the really nice one I have on my phone line now. The new message sounds like this:  “Thank you for calling the volunteer department. I am currently on the phone or assisting other volunteers. Your concerns and questions are very important and I will return your call in the order in which it was received. Current wait time expected is between 2 days and 3 weeks.”

    No, I didn’t really change my voice mail message but sometimes I think it might be the wisest thing to do. When a volunteer calls (or stops in) and wants to discuss a problem, concern, idea or suggestion, it often requires the input or permission of someone either higher up or in another department to enact change. While the volunteer waits on the volunteer manager to solve or answer, the volunteer manager waits on other staff to give a go-ahead. This can literally take weeks. It may be because everyone is afraid to make a decision, or the suggestion doesn’t seem as important as everything else on the plate. No matter the reason, there is a time warp when it comes to volunteer needs. If management wants the volunteer department to create something, they want it post-haste. But when the volunteers want to create a great project, it sits on the pile of things to consider, often languishing for weeks.

    I’ve had a number of volunteers come up with really innovative ideas. I’ve had volunteers wait, get frustrated and then fade away. Sadly, the clients and the organization suffers. Right now I have this really dynamic volunteer who wants to create and run with an idea she deems awesome. She has the expertise to run the project. She has the backup man-power. She has the time to do it and she believes in it. So, what’s the problem?

    Organizations can run like bloated larva inching across road. We can be bloated with committees and oversights and liabilities that truly cripple creative thought. We may all be afraid to take a chance, yet when we see news of some organization winning an award for an innovative idea, we all look around and say, “why don’t we do that?” It’s a vicious cycle, one in which the volunteers cannot understand what takes us so long to make a determination. They shake their heads and walk away in frustration.

    I’ve noticed over the years that the successful projects are the ones I don’t tell anyone about until they are up and running. I encourage the volunteers to do a pilot project and we work out the bugs together. When I present the already running project to upper management, I get a “good job.” If a project doesn’t work out, we can contain any damage because we’ve started small.

    You have to give your volunteers credit, not free rein. You have to give yourself credit too. If you oversee the beginnings of a great idea, you can manage that idea so that it works within the parameters of your organization. Showing people a well thought out, proven project works better than pitching an idea. Ideas are shadowy things, full of pitfalls and danger. There’s a great deal of work you will do in the beginning, but if you believe in the outcome, the rewards will far outweigh the initial work involved making sure it runs properly.

    I’m going to tell this volunteer to run with her idea, but in a very controlled and confined space. With success, we can present it to the powers that be and if history serves me correctly, we should be ok.

    Yes, the motto is proceed until apprehended, but you know as well as anyone what your volunteers are capable of accomplishing. Rely on their desire to do what is right for your clients and proceed, cautiously, but with the conviction that you will succeed.

    _Meridian

  • Sometimes It’s Not Good

    I had a lady come in the other day wanting to volunteer. I asked her to sit down and the first thing she said was, “I have to keep busy, I just have to get out and do something.”

    Ok, let’s take a deep breath here and find out why you have to get out and keep busy. Our vulnerable patients or clients should not be the steps on which you climb to your happiness. I asked her one question and it was like opening the top of a shaken coke as she told me about her situation and why she so badly needs to join us. It turns out that her husband is in a nursing home, is declining and the staff at the nursing home told her to go volunteer, it would be good for her. (Maybe they are getting weary, I don’t know).

    She told me that she was at his side four and five days a week. Based on her experience with her husband, she thought she could do some good for someone in a similar situation. She looked exhausted, emotionally and physically. She appeared fragile, and her emotions welled up during her pitch.

    I asked her if she had tried volunteering at something completely different from her situation, trying gently to explain that spending her free time with people who  reminded her of her husband would be burdensome. I asked her about volunteering in schools or with animals.

    She said she had tried other volunteering but it wasn’t “it”, didn’t help, and made her feel depressed. Upon further questioning, she said she volunteered with an animal shelter, but her job was to take the puppies to local nursing homes. She also volunteered for meals on wheels, taking meals to elderly shut ins. That made her feel horrible.

    I took a chance and asked her if she saw a pattern in her past volunteering and her desire to help critically ill patients. She thought for a moment and said, “yes, I think I see what you mean. I’m doing the things that remind me of my husband’s condition.”

    We parted with an invitation to come back sometime in the distant future. If experience serves me correctly, she will probably never come back, or do so many years after her husband dies. I could be way off on this one, but hey, it’s a guess.

    It bothers me when people advise others who are going through some rough patches to “keep busy by volunteering” for the organization they are currently being helped by. Well intentioned people need to realize, not only does the person volunteering risk magnifying their situation, but they risk using other clients as cry towels or mood boosters. It’s not fair to anyone in these situations, not even the poor volunteer manager who has to sort it all out and keep real harm from happening.

    Yes, volunteering is good for you, but not when it’s only a salve for a wound. The wound needs to heal properly or that volunteer will bleed all over the clients.

    -Meridian

  • That Elusive Reason

    I had an open house the other evening for folks who wanted to find out about volunteering in a “no strings attached” forum. You know the drill; people ask questions, hear other volunteers speak, see videos and generally get a feel for what it would be like to volunteer. I’m finding that those who are just a step away from crossing the volunteer threshold will come, have their questions answered and some of their fears allayed.

    There were a good number of people, all asking “How much do time do you require” and “do I have to work directly with patients?” Amongst the crowd was one gentleman who stood out. He was young and dressed quite well, GQ actually. Most people come casual. He was very quiet. Most people ask questions and talk to one another. He sat and listened intently, more than most. What really made him stand out was his intense gaze. He had that look like he was waiting for a magic word or phrase that would free him from his hesitancy.

    Open houses and orientations are great ways to get to know people you are going to manage. They talk about themselves, what they believe, and how they view the world. It gives me some sense of where they are in life and why they want to volunteer. Managing people without pay is hard enough, but not knowing why they are volunteering is just too difficult.

    So, as I’m looking around the room, answering questions, getting a sense of everyone, I’m still at a loss with this young man who by his demeanor, seems to be out of place. And when you manage volunteers, it helps to have everything in place. Chaos is our world, so we appreciate some sort of control.

    After a seasoned volunteer spoke of her experiences, I told a story to piggy back on her explanation of service. I told the group about another volunteer who simply offered a caregiver a cup of coffee. The caregiver who was sitting vigil at the bedside of her dying husband, had said with heartfelt appreciation, “No one has ever brought me a cup of coffee before.”

    I wanted to expound on that idea, the age-old notion that one act can change everything, so I said to the group, “You never know when you will be the one at the very right moment to do the very right thing.”

    At that, the young man became animated and spoke. He told the group that he worked in the corporate world and that he was responsible for keeping some very high profiled executives on schedule. He said that his world was very demanding, moved quickly and there was not much room for connection and gratitude. He simply ended with, “What you just said, that’s the feeling I want.”

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. While I believe that everyone possesses more than one reason to volunteer, there are always those who sometimes know their reasons, sometimes guess their reasons and sometimes can’t quite put their finger on why volunteering will be something worthwhile.

    When I see that light bulb go off, I know then that I can help steer that person in the direction that hopefully will give him what he is seeking. Getting to know volunteers is a lengthy process. With this gentleman, the surface is only scratched. It will take trial and error to see where he “fits” and where he gets what he searches for. Don’t get me wrong, it will be interesting and I am looking forward to learning more about him and his journey.

    Do we know volunteers well? I’d say we know them intimately, because we are nurturing their very beings. I’m curious and excited to know this person and curious and excited to see him receive what he came for.

    -Meridian

  • A Different Answer on a Different Day

    I happened to be in an outlying office when a woman came in with her son, asking about volunteer opportunities. The son had been in some serious trouble and had court ordered community service. I explained to her that we did not accept court ordered community service hours and apologized, offering her some other local organizations that might, although I know more and more are saying no, but that’s another story.

    Hearing this, she offered me a list of reasons we might change our mind and take her son. These seem to be universal reasons, because pretty much everyone uses them when they are told no.

    1. It wasn’t his fault, it was all a misunderstanding.  (very possible)

    2. He really is a very good kid in spite of it. (this may, in fact be true)

    3. He really wants to volunteer here and will continue after the hours are met. (Doubtful)

    4. I will volunteer with him. (even so, I’m sorry)

    5. We both love this organization. (I do appreciate that)

    6. My sister (or another significant person) used your services 20 (or another number) years ago. (Probably true which is why you thought of us in the first place-I’m glad we were of help to you)

    7. We’re desperate and we only have 3 (or another number) weeks left to complete this. (This is definitely true)

    While it feels bad to turn people away, especially because they need us and you can see the desperation, we can’t let our emotions cloud our judgement. As cold as this sounds, we have to think of our clients, and yes, ourselves. How much time will it take to mentor, manage someone who is volunteering because they have to do so? Is their need greater than your ability to help? You have to look at it that way. Not, is their need greater than your desire to help, because that will probably not be true, but is their need greater than your ability to help?

    So, the next day, I walk into my home office and guess who’s there? Yup, the mom and her son. They did not expect to see me there, they most likely thought another volunteer manager would see them and crumble under one of the rationalizations on their list. As kindly as I could, I reiterated what I had told them the day before.

    Two things come to mind here. If you work with other volunteer managers, you all have to be on the same page and talk with one another. The other thing that strikes me is developing a thicker skin can sometimes lead to a cold and callous view of the world, but if within that skin still beats the heart of a good person, then a balance is struck.  While the nature of our jobs and probably the very nature of each one of us is helping others, we sometimes have to make the hard choices and live with them.

    What haunts me is the image of a woman who needs to help her son no matter what. As a mom that pierces, and believe me, I didn’t turn away and dust them off. I think about them, hoping that they will find whatever help they need. As volunteer managers, can we fix the entire world and stretch ourselves to the breaking point or do we need to concentrate on our own corner and do that job well?  It’s a delicate balance, one which we all cross over at times because we feel for people. The problem is, when we give different answers on different days, we increase our chaos.

    Ohm to you all!

    -Meridian

  • It Wasn’t My Fault, Was It?

    There are some volunteers who are just, well, the best. They may not do the most work, nor create the biggest stir, but because you deal with them one on one, you get to know them. Really know them. You know their history, their personality, their quirks, and you end up liking everything about them. They are humble, continually deflecting praise back on to others. They are fun to be with and have a huge sense of life and the joy of it. They are funny, make you laugh and are easy to be with. And they take the work seriously, do it beautifully and make no fuss about it. They are genuinely with you to help. What a concept.

    Fortunately I have quite a number of these great beings. One of them, I’ll call her Dottie has had some major health issues. I’m talking life threatening stuff. Being the full of life person, the change in lifestyle has been devastating for her. She has become the recipient of help, not the provider. Not too easy for a person who has given her whole life. The medications and effects of the disease has left her with much to deal with, including some fogginess, unsteady gait and other changes that embarrass the heck out of her. How do I know? Well, I didn’t, but I found out the hard way.

    She had been avoiding us after her illness. I would call to tell her how much we missed her, but left her the message that we didn’t expect her back, we just missed her. Truth be told, I missed her, wanted her around, really craved that piece that was not there. So I invited her to everything benign or mundane, just to include her. After all, I didn’t want her to think I forgot, right? She refused most everything and I kept at it until one day she agreed and came to a meeting.

    She was unsteady, out of breath, and foggy. She had multiple medications that were being adjusted because they were causing her all sorts of side effects that interfered with her life. She was having a hard, long time getting better.

    Well, wouldn’t you know, she tried to stand up and fell and hurt herself. She had to be taken home and her concerned husband took her to the ER to be safe. She apologized profusely for interrupting the meeting and being such a burden.

    So, although this happened a few months ago, the sting is still as biting as if the bee were just flying away. I was the one who practically walked into her house and kidnapped her. I caused her more embarrassment, not less. Was it my fault?  Maybe not, but she certainly would not have been in that situation except for my cheery encouragement. Did I mean for that to happen? Of course not, but that doesn’t lessen the guilt.

    I think what I’ve taken away for this is we can’t always guarantee we know what’s best for anyone. let alone our volunteers. We just have to take them on their word when they tell us things outright and when they try to maintain their dignity beneath a veil of white lies or stony silence.

    Our volunteers’ persona with us includes strength, courage, capability and helping. When that is taken from them, they may wish to retreat and not let us see their wounds. We, on the other hand want to mother them. Maybe they don’t want a mother so much as they want to be understood.

    Maybe I need to allow them that shred of human dignity. Then maybe I won’t have this stinging feeling that it was all my fault.

    -Meridian