volunteerplaintalk

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  • Can Justice Truly Prevail?

    scalesLast week I had a phone conversation with the mother of a 16 year old prospective volunteer. It went something like this:

    She: My daughter, Olivia, needs 30 hours by the end of this school year.

    Me: Well, that’s quite a number of hours over the next three weeks. Typically, with student volunteers, we begin with orientation. Our student orientation for this summer is scheduled for the beginning of June. We may have to orient Olivia one on one since she needs hours before orientation starts. Would you be comfortable with that? I may have some time on Friday.

    She: She can’t come in Friday after school, she has cheer-leading. On Wednesdays, she has piano, and she has student government. This weekend we are out-of-town, camping. She can come in Monday at 5pm but I need her to be home by 7.

    Me: Hmmmm, Monday is not good for me, I have an appointment with a group on the other side of town. What does Olivia’s schedule look like for the actual volunteering?

    She: She can work some Saturdays and then I’ll give you a schedule of the few times she can be there after school. She may need to get the volunteering in on Saturdays though, which means 8 or 9 hours there. I’m assuming she can do some homework too.

    Me: We don’t typically have volunteers, especially students, volunteer that many hours at a time. It’s too intense and too much for anyone. (and me too, I thought angrily. I’m not coming in all day Saturday).

    Her: But that is the only way to get her hours in. She can’t come on Sunday and she has activities all week. You need to take her on Saturdays. Or don’t you accommodate volunteers?

    Me: Of course we do, but we also want our volunteers to be placed in situations where they won’t be overwhelmed. We want them to have a meaningful time.

    Her: Sigh. It needs to be on Saturdays.

    Now, if you are yelling at the screen, shouting at me to hang up (which is what I’d be yelling if I were reading this), then let me throw in a tidbit of information. This mother is the wife of a big donor. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Volunteer rules aren’t the same here, are they?

    Somehow, I had to give in and get Olivia her hours.  I know some might say, “heck, sign off on the hours. The kid won’t get anything out of volunteering anyway. Cut your losses!” Nah, can’t do that, somehow that just feels really wrong. And maybe,I reasoned, I could catch up on all the other piles of work on Saturday so I gave in and scheduled her. I got up that morning, a bit irritated, but determined to make the best of it.

    But it did sting that my time and effort and carefully crafted rules regarding volunteering, when weighed against a donation, well, just don’t matter as much.

    Sometimes we are forced to bend our rules because a prospective volunteer is the son of a senior manager, or the wife of a donor, or an attorney or whomever it is the organization does not want to upset. There are volunteers and then there are VOLUNTEERS if you know what I mean. It happens in the workforce too, so I can’t say we’re the only ones in the lopsided scale of the justice basket.

    Didn’t make it feel any better though. But, rules are meant to be broken and so I came into the in-patient unit and mentored Olivia. And guess what? You already know that she was delightful. She apologized for taking up my Saturday. We visited patients and she told me that she wanted to be a pediatrician. At one point, Olivia held a patient’s hand and softly sang in Italian, the patient’s native tongue. The 93 year old former WWII bride from Italy’s face relaxed as the gentle lyrics stroked her soul.

    Well, I could have missed that experience. I went home that afternoon satisfied. We didn’t stay 9 hours, we stayed 5. Olivia made such an impression on the staff that they will mentor her the next two Saturdays so I’m free to go back to my weekdays. Funny, I’m going to miss coming in with her.

    And you know what I learned? The scales of justice balance out because the universe is watching out for us.

    -Meridian

  • Gooooooooo Team! Beeeeeeeeee Childish!

    LoserIt’s great when people act like a team, right? They back each other up, stick up for each other, etc. But what if that team acts like a bunch of 3 year-olds?

    There’s a volunteer coordinator, Maya, who told me this story recently. She works for a large Non-profit that helps abused women.

    Each year, her organization sponsors a huge public event, and each department of her organization hosts a “game table” for attendees to stop by, play a game, win prizes and learn about that department. Maya scrambles to find dozens of highly qualified volunteers to help at the event, from the planning, to execution.

    This year, Maya did not assign a volunteer to the financial department’s table. At the event, they panicked and told her they had put in the standard request for a volunteer weeks before. Maya admits that could be true, but she never got it. So, thirty minutes before the event, Maya had to reassign a volunteer to their table and Maya filled in for that volunteer in another area.

    Afterwards, Maya profusely apologized to the finance manager. She pointed out that she works off of formal requests, and that they should have checked in with her and inquired about their assigned volunteer instead of waiting until the day of the event, but she also said she was sorry she did not check in with them as well.

    The finance manager coolly accepted her apology. The manager complained that the volunteer reassigned to them was rather new and a bit reticent to help.

    “Here’s the crazy part,” Maya said. “Every one in the financial department now is giving me the cold shoulder, even the ones who weren’t at the event! I say hi in the hall and they look away. If I have to turn in reports, they hardly even look at me. It’s like working with a bunch of three-year olds.”

    “Have you mentioned this to your supervisor?” I asked.

    “Yeah, and he just rolled his eyes, so I’m on my own. It makes me so angry that I jump every time they need a volunteer and the one time I don’t produce, they act like that. How unprofessional and frankly, ridiculous.”

    “How did the rest of the event go?” I asked.

    “Great, everything worked out well, the volunteers had a great time, the rest of the staff was very pleased. Yeah, it went well.” I could hear the frustration in her voice.

    Interesting how the good part of that event is greatly diminished by the hurt Maya feels due to the financial department’s childish behavior. In her mind, her hard work is being eclipsed by the one glitch which may not even be her fault but is taped to her like a child’s drawing.

    It’s intolerable that childish behavior be ignored in non-profits. Is it because non-profits are populated with people-pleasers and non-confrontational (aka stab you in the back) types? Or is it because the volunteer department is an easy target and typically on the dirty bottom of the pecking order?

    Is it really because volunteer managers typically do their job, give credit to the volunteers, are inherently team players and do not live in the world of drama? Do volunteer managers abhor childish behavior because they do not engage in it?

    I think the very traits that are needed to succeed at volunteer management can sometimes set us up to be hurt when staff act like 3 year olds. It pains me that Maya, who is a fantastic volunteer coordinator remembers the hurt more than the success. Will she childishly retaliate? No, she’s not a drama queen.

    Volunteers are extra help to our organizations and to staff. They roll up their sleeves and make adjustments for the good of the cause. It’s a pity there are staff who can’t do the same.

    -Meridian

  • Happy Volunteer Appreciation Week! I Appreciate the Little Things

    cheersThis volunteer appreciation week, I thought about the volunteers I personally appreciate and so I want to publicly acknowledge them. (names changed, however).

    Bill: For giving me that coveted family recipe for Yorkshire pudding-yum

    Jewel: For always being the first one to call me when I make a typo on flyers and telling me you’ll be at the meeting at 3am (oh, didn’t I say 3pm?)

    George: For calling me once a month with a joke-always needed

    Aida: For teaching me how to make real tamales at your house-complete with margaritas

    Mel: For your “Bob Dylan” impersonation that makes me snort with laughter

    Sadie: For always being the one volunteer I tell my stresses to, don’t know why I do that to only you, but you always make me feel like it’s going to be ok

    Kim: For always taking my face into your hands and looking into my eyes and telling me that I’m loved

    Bud: For always gruffly saying, “oh here comes the suit” when you see me. You actually make me feel like a manager

    Terri: For always understanding when I have to write down what you need and telling you that I have to call you back and then forgetting to do even that

    Syl: For being new and jumping right in, and then, in all the chaos, announcing that you “love it here”

    Lucy: For being part of that hair brained scheme called “recruit by food” and then doing your Edith Ann impersonation when it failed… miserably

    Josie: For believing me when I involved you in that project and not wavering even once

    Harry: For always kissing my hand (very Louis XIV)  when you see me

    Delores: For laughingly grabbing that paper out of my hands when I sheepishly said I forgot to give it to you and not making me feel like I’ve let you down

    Martin: For bringing me that obscure book on Marcel Proust because you remembered I liked him way back in college

    Walt: For giving me that figurine because your late wife shared my birth day

    Kristen: For laughing at my jokes in front of your savvy student friends so that I didn’t look like an idiot

    Dot: For always making that trip to the mail room before you leave because you know I’m not going to get away

    Kitty: For meeting me, at night, at that patient’s house

    Carla: For taking me under your wing when I got here and showing me how to care

    Phil: For telling me every time you see me how much you enjoyed my class

    Bob: For talking sports with me

    Tobi: For making sense of the spreadsheets

    Tuesday crew: For the “News Flashes”

    In looking back over this list, I realize, I have a very lot to be grateful for. I’m sure I’ve left many of you out, not to mention looking back over the years at all the volunteers I’ve known. Each one of you has made an impression on me and taught me something valuable. You may not know it, but you keep me going. It feels as though you are somehow extensions of me that are doing good in this world. I know that sounds selfish, and I don’t mean it that way, but I feel connected to you and the great things you do come humming back the way blood circulates throughout the body. I am proud of you and humbled by your work ethic. I’m protective of you and yet amazed at your strength. I’m careful to get what you need yet bolstered by your resilience. You, my friends, are the best and just being in your presence is enough to look back one day and say, “I was part of something”.

    Cheers to you all! You have made my life richer, more complex, more interesting and infinitely more worthwhile. You are most appreciated.

    -Meridian

  • Don’t Quit! I Might Have a Relapse!

    relapse pictureI have a long distance friend, Marla who is a volunteer coordinator for a large hospice organization.  She called me a while back and we chatted about one of her fellow volunteer coordinators, Amy. See, Marla fills in for Amy when she is on vacation and vice versa. They each manage about 80 volunteers in their respective areas. We all know that adding another full load, even for a week, is exhausting, but having to fit within another coordinator’s style can sometimes be, well, frustrating.

    Marla and Amy had back to back vacations, Amy first. Here’s what Marla told me happened.

    “I stopped in everyday to check on the volunteers,” Marla said. “And each day was the same story. The volunteers welcomed me, but with phrases like, ‘it’s so good to see Amy get some much-needed rest, she is so stressed out,’ or ‘we are worried about Amy, she’s works so hard and then she has to worry about her ailing mother and her sister doesn’t help out at all.’” Marla barked a laugh. “Ha, Amy doesn’t have a bigger load than anyone here, and sometimes I have a harder time finding volunteers, given my location. It’s frustrating.”

    Marla sighed, and covered the mouthpiece. “oh, and get this! One of the volunteers even said to me, ‘you know, I was going to retire, but I just can’t let Amy down. She has a stress related condition and she’s got so much to worry about with her son struggling financially.’”

    I could hear Marla chewing her pencil. “Amy has mentioned that she has had some medical issues in the past, but jeez, never once did the volunteers ask about me or my volunteers or anything else for that matter. They seemed to be a little, I hate to say it, cult-like.”

    Well. What an interesting management style. Marla continued, “you know, it was on the tip of my tongue to say something like, ‘hey, we’re all busy and Amy is just playing you to make you stay.” Then she chuckled. “Maybe we all should use that on our volunteers. If you quit, you’ll put me in the hospital!”

    Are volunteers more impressionable than paid staff? Maybe. I suppose it depends upon their reasons for volunteering and their personalities. Is it wrong to manipulate them? Of course. Volunteers should not know much about our personal lives, and certainly, not all that is going wrong or perceived to go wrong. As volunteer managers, our boundaries need to be pretty clearly defined.

    “Oh, and get this!” Marla added. “I went on vacation, thank goodness after covering for Amy and she then covered for me. I worked really hard on making sure that all volunteers were in place, all information up to date, so that it wouldn’t be hard for her to manage while I was gone.” Marla paused. “so, I get back on Monday and when I checked in with the very first volunteer, guess what she said?”

    “Welcome back?” I offered.

    “No, she did say they missed me, but she also said that Amy seemed overwhelmed by the additional work and they had to work a little extra to help her.”

    “Then,” Marla dropped the punchline, “MY volunteer asked me, ‘Did you know Amy has a stress related condition’?”

    Hmmmmm. When retention becomes a problem, I may have to try the Amy management style!

    -Meridian

  • …Oh! One More Thing! I Need that Magic!

    memory bearLast week I just happened to be present when a brand new volunteer, Glenna was returning a memory bear she had made. Glenna has been volunteering for about six months now and is doing so because she is unemployed, looking very hard for another job and almost desperately wants to give back. Glenna is quiet, pounded by rejections and extremely talented.

    Memory bears, you probably know, are teddy bears sewn from articles of clothing a bereaved person chooses to represent the loved one who died. Bears are fashioned from bowling shirts, uniforms, blouses, event T-shirts, night-clothes and even baby blankets. They are soulful, oozing personality and cherished by the recipient.

    Glenna dropped off her freshly done bear and as I admired the pocket she had incorporated from the “Gilly’s Tavern” t-shirt on it, we chatted about the bear she had brought in the week before.

    It was a bear from an obviously well-worn  Bait Shop t-shirt. Glenna was telling me how her own father had loved to take her fishing when she was a little girl. He had died when she was only 15 and she wistfully talked about the time she caught a fish and dragged it up onto shore, her father laughing all the while. Glenna wiped a tear, apologizing for “taking up so much time” when the bereavement counselor, Sharon, walked in.

    I introduced Glenna to Sharon and Sharon thanked Glenna for making the memory bears. “Our clients just love them,” Sharon said and Glenna nodded.

    I could tell that Sharon was in a hurry, which was nothing new for a bereavement counselor. But bereavement counselors, I’ve found, have this aura about them that feels so, well…. kind.

    “Sharon,” I said, “before you have to run, Glenna is the volunteer that made the bear you just gave out, the fishing t-shirt bear.”

    “Really?” Sharon’s eyes lighted up. “I gave that bear to his granddaughter and I saw her last night in group and she told us this story. She took her bear home and that night brought it in bed with her. See, her grandfather was the one who raised her after her parents divorced. He loved to go fishing, and although she wasn’t very good or interested in fishing, she would go and watch him and read. Anyway, she had the bear with her and she had a dream. In that dream she and her grandfather were fishing by a big lake and she caught a fish and her grandfather turned to her in the dream and said,’ now see, I knew you could do it’. It was something her grandfather always said to her.”

    I could see Glenna’s eyes go wide and her mouth trembled, “that’s something my father always said to me.” She was crying now. (ok, me too). Sharon beamed.

    We can tell volunteers how meaningful their work is, but when their ears fill with real stories and examples, now that’s beyond volunteer management. It’s the magic of our job, the moment that we know exists, but we, as managers, well, we know to go looking for it and to stand back and let it happen.

    What do our volunteers need? Ahhhhh, many, many things. Sometimes recognition, sometimes socialization, sometimes to be left alone, and sometimes, they need a magic moment. Frankly, we need it too.

    -Meridian

  • Apples to Rotten Apples

    Today, I’m sorry, but I have to issue a dire warning. Do NOT treat your volunteers too well. Don’t be too nice, too accommodating, too flexible, too encouraging. Nope, everything you’ve learned and know instinctively about volunteer management is wrong.

    There is this volunteer, Mabel, a sweet very genteel retired school teacher. She is so classy. She was raised in the era of good manners, respect and hard work. Mable has been volunteering for over nine years. She is dependable and a pleasure. So, hmmm, what could possible go wrong?

    Mabel branched out. She heard the call for volunteers to help in another part of the organization, away from daily contact with volunteer staff. She called me yesterday and in her sweetest manner, asked me why she was being treated so poorly by her new boss. She was convinced that she was inept, a poor volunteer, and (gasp) too old to do the job. Whatever did she do, Mabel wondered.

    I listened without speaking, all the while thinking (just let me get my hands on you, staff member who made her feel that way. Nine years down the drain.) I assured her that she was a fantastic worker and valued by our organization. (Who could be mean to her, I mean, seriously?) I told her that with her permission, I would speak to the staff member in charge of her duties.

    I gathered my thoughts and went to see the aforementioned staff person. I walked down the long hallway into the bowels of finance and billing and serious stuff. I politely knocked and entered the painfully tidy office. “Hi, Jerice,” I said. “I’m here to talk about Mabel, the volunteer if you have a minute.”

    Jerice rolled her eyes. I told her Mabel’s concerns and Jerice replied, “She’s a very nice lady but she isn’t a very quick learner. I’ve had to show her how to do the same job three times.” (Three times? If you knew the record number of times I’ve had to show a volunteer something, you’d faint!)

    Jerice shifted uncomfortably and then got defensive. “I thought volunteers were supposed to help, not take up more of our time. I’m really too busy to be constantly showing… blah, blah, blah.” As Jerice prattled on about how busy she was, I started daydreaming. In this daydream Jerice was a little girl in a classroom and Mabel was her teacher. Jerice couldn’t get the math problem and Mabel, in a booming voice yelled, “Jerice! You are the dumbest little girl I’ve ever taught!”

    Ok, that’s mean. No, in the daydream, Mabel is patient and kind, just as she always is. “Jerice,” I said. “Mabel has been a faithful, hard-working volunteer for nine years. We don’t want to lose her. If this is not the spot for her, please tell me and I will happily take her back in our area. Happily!” You see, Jerice, Mabel has already had an experience here. And she is comparing that experience. It’s not apples to oranges, it’s apples to rotten apples and your apples are oozing rot.

    Jerice calmed down and said she did want Mabel’s help. Funny, she never once asked if Mabel was happy or if she had any thoughts on her experience. Maybe she just needs to get to know Mabel before she can appreciate her. Sadly, volunteers are faceless and feelingless to many. I have hope, but I will be watching closely. And at any sign of Mabel’s discomfort, I’m going to start baking a juicy mouth-watering apple pie and invite Mabel home.

    -Meridian

  • Um, Now That I Know This, What Can I Do?

    Yes, I trained Lisa. She sat in class with the rest of the group and offered comments, answered questions just like anyone else. I didn’t quite get the sense that she wanted to help like most other trainees, but that certainly didn’t disqualify her. I’m too afraid to make a judgement up front like that because I have been horribly wrong in the past.

    Anyway, Lisa left a voice mail message the other day. She couldn’t come in for her shift. What she did not realize is she failed to hang up and when her cell phone rang, she answered it. The voice message recorded the whole conversation. I suppose I should have deleted it before I heard it, but it happened so fast…

    It went (in short) something like this…

    “Yeah, oh hi! No, no, it’s ok, I’m not doing anything. I know, I know. Uh huh, uh huh, tonight? I think I can. No, he doesn’t suspect a thing. No, no, I can tell. No, Roger’s f#@$ clueless. I can’t wait to #@#$ ….”

    Well, you get the rest. Roger is her husband by the way. Curse those message machines that accept long messages. Curse me for not hanging up. (what’s that say about me, shudder?). But curse having knowledge that I don’t want to have in my head.

    Now, Lisa, who was before this knowledge, a potentially good volunteer, is a smarmy cheat in my eyes. She has a right to her privacy. Thankfully, I don’t know most of what goes on in the private lives of the volunteers. We volunteer managers get involved in enough of it.

    There’s not much I can do about what I heard, except try to put it aside and concentrate on whether Lisa does a good volunteer job, just like any other volunteer.

    But I know that the next time I see her, I will hear some of those descriptions in my head. I can’t promise I won’t be stand offish or give her a judgmental look. I do know, that if I pick up another voice mail from her, I’ll just delete it and call her back. Shudder or I’ll have to get therapy.

    -Meridian

     

  • Uh Oh, The Back of the Head

    Jo is a really generous person and a great volunteer. She lives alone with her dog, Sally (a toy poodle). She is a widow and has children that live in another state. She is full of life and laughs easily. She is a breath of fresh air.

    The other day Jo came in for her weekly volunteer duties. It was after Christmas. Only one family member, her son could make the visit to see her, and he had to go back right away. She said it was really nice to see him. As Jo turned to go, I noticed the back of her head, or her hair to be more specific. It was all matted, like she forgot to comb that part. “No!” my mind shouted, “not Jo!”

    See, that’s my visual cue, my telltale sign, my notice to start watching. Now, it’s possible Jo didn’t get enough sleep or she was just worn out from the holiday or maybe she just forgot. Yeah, that’s what I tell myself with all of them. But then I notice them asking the same question over and over, or the not remembering who works in the office or sometimes a general confusion. The guys might have a spot on a previously immaculate shirt or wear two different socks. These are the warning signs, subtle yet unmistakable.

    They are failing. They, too are only human and capable of getting older. “No! I want them to stay the same!” They are so comfortable, so dependable, so like a warm blanket on a frosty night. I don’t want to replace them with someone new, someone who doesn’t know the job, who doesn’t have the commitment, who doesn’t make me smile. But most of all, I don’t want to see them fail, to be another one who can’t come in anymore and who chalks it up to life, who takes things in stride and honorably slips away. It reminds me of Bobbie who developed ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease) and kept coming just like my tears.

    “Ouch“. I don’t want to sit at another bedside and pat a hand and talk about how much her volunteer service meant. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to put into words how I felt about each one of them. I kissed Jay on the head and he whispered “I love you.” I held Heloise’s hand and she stroked my cheek. I sat beside Ben and said “hi” and his body stirred. And so many others.

    Did they know they were more than just volunteers? Did they know that they inspired me and made me a better person? I think I’ll not take the chance with Jo and tell her while she is still volunteering. It will humble me and that’s not bad. And although she doesn’t comb the back of her hair, I will continue to cherish her and to be grateful for the opportunity to know her.

    And yes, I will be at her bedside when that time comes. She deserves that and so much more.

    -Meridian

  • When Will I Learn?

    So I have this unwritten rule that I break every so often. The rule is, “make every person who wants to volunteer go through the proper channels.” I always get burned when relaxing that rule and then I promise myself to never break it again.

    Yup, did it recently and here’s what I learned about myself. A just early retired baby boomer, Stephen came in and wanted to explore his options. He volunteers for a gardening club and for a no kill shelter but he wants to volunteer with people too. He has a great deal of time on his hands and wants to put it to good use. (I’m listening, Stephen). We spent a good hour and a half talking about how he needs to do something meaningful with his life. (You’re singing my tune, now).

    Since I did not have any structured orientations coming up in December-holidays I’ve found bring out mainly people who want to volunteer just on Christmas, the rest are pretty busy with their holiday plans, so the next orientation will not be until January. Stephen wanted to start “right away.” Now, these two words normally send red flags, but there was something about Stephen. (I wanted to HELP him-nice of me, huh?).

    I set up a quick one on one training with him and showed him some videos, etc. I made sure to tell him that this was a “special training” and that I “believed in him”. (I’m really full of it, did he really believe that?)

    I made him promise that he would take the full orientation when it was offered and he promised. (I’m really proud of myself by now). I then told him he could shadow another volunteer in a care center so that at least he could “get started”. (what I saint I am).

    Stephen shadowed a really good, seasoned volunteer. I called to see how it was going and talked to him and his mentor. We set up another time to shadow. (see, I follow through well). After the second time, his mentor told me that Stephen seemed very quiet and a bit overwhelmed. (no, that couldn’t happen, could it?) I called Stephen and left a message. The next day, I got an email (email? I thought we were sympatico!) from Stephen that simply stated he did not think this volunteering was a good fit for him. (what! after all I’ve done!)

    I think after a week or so, I will call him and offer the normal path to volunteering. (which I should have done in the first place). And if he refuses, then I will chalk this one up to breaking my own rule. (love it when you get that reinforcement).

    Next time, I will be more careful. (who am I kidding?) No, really, I need to stick to that which I have learned over the years. If volunteering is worth doing, it’s worth doing it correctly. And if managing volunteers is worth doing, it’s worth doing correctly too.

    Man, I’m tough.

    -Meridian

  • Encourage or Manipulate, That is the Question

    Well, I’ve been having this internal conversation for a long while. Getting the best out of the volunteers is my job, right? And I truly want them to do their best. There is nothing more satisfying than seeing a volunteer glowing from a really great experience. And what about the feedback from those we serve? It’s like Christmas when giving that praise to a volunteer.

    So, why am I having this conversation?  Oh, about six or seven years ago, a friend of mine overheard me speaking to a volunteer on the phone. When I finished, my friend looked at me and said, “that was masterful manipulation, you know that?” Ouch. “You think I’m manipulative?” She rolled her eyes. “C’mon, that’s what you do.”

    Fine, I should just let that go, but ever since then, I have had an internal ear that keeps hearing just a bit of manipulation. There’s the volunteer who needs constant support. Do I really, really believe what I’m saying when I tell him once again, “we are so appreciative of all your time. You are a constant support to our families.” Honestly, sometimes, I’m tired of spending an hour hearing how inadequate he is and wonder if he’ll ever be able to stand on his own.

    Then there’s the volunteer who talks incessantly and nitpicks, but does a job that truly no one else wants to do. Not having the time to listen but listening anyway because it’s easier than trying to find a new volunteer is ok, right? Frankly, I’m the one being manipulated, but oh well, the job gets done.  Am I encouraging her? Maybe placating is more like it.

    But the internal conversation really heats up when I work with a particular group of talented professional volunteers who, I’ve noted need a great deal of attention and dare I say it, encouragement. They expect more hand holding, more fetching of coffee, more concierge behavior, more running interferrence. Someone asked me, “how can you stand working with these people?  They’re so needy and demanding, and ugh, their egos are huge.” My quick answer was, “yes, but the end result is so worth it.” Hmmmmmm. So, morphing into the volunteer coordinator they want and need produces a desired end result. I guess each and every volunteer produces an end result and how they get there is in large part determined by how we manipu… er, encourage them.

    While manipulation is self serving and encouragement is holding the welfare of everyone at heart, the two are cousins, one noble, the other a devious craftsman.

    “Oh, we couldn’t do it without you.” says manipulation while encouragement tsks from the corner. How many times have volunteers said to you, “I’ll bet you praise everyone.” That makes me wonder, does some praise sound hollow and do some volunteers honestly believe that we just spew mindless gratitude? It is difficult to individualize all feedback but fortunately most volunteers sense sincerity. Staying grateful and aware keeps praise truthful. For the most part it all works, until that annoying voice, dripping with sarcasm asks, “did you really mean that or are you just being manipulative?”

    I will continue to monitor my praise o meter. When it starts to sound generic, I’ll go back and remember that each volunteer is an individual with unique needs, triggers and an ability to smell insincerity a mile away. If I don’t, I’ll just have to get used to hearing, “Oh, I’ll bet you say that to all the volunteers.” And sadly, they’d be right.

    -Meridian