I met Jake one cold winter day when he came to our volunteer orientation. He continuously looked at his hands and shifted in his seat. He didn’t speak up when the other new volunteers answered questions. Instead he watched quietly from his space.
When orientation was over, I looked forward to interviewing the new volunteers one on one. It helped to know them away from the group setting. I didn’t know what to expect with Jake.
He came into my office and sat down. The air was charged with his story and I pretended that his hesitation was common among new volunteers. Then he began to talk.
There’s a great deal of research and evidence that volunteering increases well-being. It staves off loneliness, offers a life of purpose, aids in skill building, wards off dementia and boosts self-confidence. But there is another aspect to volunteering beyond well-being. It’s a form of Kintsugi, the Japanese art of golden joinery. It recognizes the beauty in broken things. Kintsugi is the art of rejoining broken pieces and dusting them with gold powder. The broken when fixed, becomes more beautiful.
Jake was broken. And through his volunteering, he pieced himself together with dazzling golden powder. He was a phenomenal volunteer who found a way to believe in himself by believing in others.
He worked his way into taking tougher assignments. He built himself up again, one volunteer day after another until he had a supportive group of volunteer friends and had clients who depended upon him because he was dependable again. His broken pieces became a different, but new whole.
We are privileged to witness a human Kintsugi in a few of of our volunteers. Their broken parts take on a luster from the golden dust we offer them. And the interesting thing about Kintsugi is the golden repair’s meaning stays with those who gaze upon the new work. Jake’s journey to repair resides within me, a golden nugget that I can roll between my fingers when I need it.
I know you’ve had broken volunteers and I know you’ve seen them heal. Their fractures are a part of their makeup and history and what makes them beautifully empathetic and able to connect.
So, the next time you gaze wistfully at one of your once broken volunteers, see the shimmer of gold that fills the spaces in between and know you’ve had a hand in the repair.
It’s time for resolutions, optimism and time to drop the pounds from all the volunteer homemade goodies, including Anna’s cheese blintzes scarfed down during full stressed-out mode.
Ahhhh, the new year. It’s full of hope. We seldom hope for a year that’s exactly like the one we just completed, right? Instead, we hope for a better year. So, do we look forward or backward or both ways?
Actually, we can do both and connect the past year with a better future. Looking back can be so much more than feeling good or bad about the year. It can be extremely instructive.
Looking back to move forward gives us an action plan, one that ensures a brighter 2019.
Begin by looking back at accomplishments to formulate a plan to continue those accomplishments. Then build upon methods to expand accomplishments in 2019. What went right? What is the blueprint? For example:
Last year, hours by volunteers who were trained to interact with clients increased from the previous year by 10%: So, for 2019, I will fortify and increase training. And for a new accomplishment, I will create a training that can be introduced to increase hours in other areas.
Last year, advocating for more resources produced a recruitment budget increase: So, for 2019, I will hone that method of advocating and for a new accomplishment, present supporting statistics to ask for more resources in other areas.
Last year, several highly skilled volunteers were recruited through networking: So, for 2019, I will continue networking opportunities and for a new accomplishment, I will look for new networking opportunities to find other volunteer skills.
On the flip side, what disappointing things happened? Instead of trying to forget about these instances, analyze them because they can also be valuable in planning for the coming year. It may take longer and you may have to dig deeper to find causes, but there are reasons for the disappointment. What went wrong? What is the blueprint for avoiding something similar? Unlike accomplishments, disappointments will take more effort to root out the cause (without assigning blame) and more work to change future outcomes. For example:
The volunteer appreciation event was kind of lame. Volunteers were once again not properly recognized: For 2019, how can I better show the value of volunteer contributions? How can I set a tone for sincere recognition?
Our huge donor gala was a gigantic headache. Last minute volunteer requests and changes to requests kept me scrambling: For 2019, what systems or ground rules can I put into place to avoid this in the future? (For my take on setting ground rules, see Volunteer Department Ground Rules and the follow-up Attention: The Volunteer Department Now Has Ground Rules.)
Senior management dropped a new “role” for volunteers onto my lap because we are cutting back. New tasks or jobs for volunteers are created without consulting me for any input: For 2019, how can I educate administration on volunteer engagement? How can I present volunteer feedback that shows volunteers want meaningful experiences?
It’s nice to hope that 2019 will be a better year but we can take control of that hope and create blueprints to ensure it will be a better year. By looking back at accomplishments to continue the momentum and looking back at disappointments to formulate a change strategy, we will move our programs forward into the year we wish to see.
One of the most prolific skills volunteer managers possess is the art of matching volunteers to not only roles, but to each other. We work hard to pair volunteer personalities that will mesh. We introduce hand picked volunteers to each other knowing that the team will “click.”
I remember getting all tingly when I dropped in on a team and they were chatting away, enjoying the camaraderie with one another. It’s a real perk to volunteering. You can almost hear the team bonding as each person joins. Click, click, click. But some teams will click so well that they shut new volunteers out.
Being a new volunteer is challenging, especially when dropped into an established group of volunteers. The group is an entity unto its own. The group has a rhythm, methods of interaction, unspoken rules and shared history.
Individually, the group members may be welcoming, but group dynamics dictate actions. So, what can we do to encourage socialization among volunteers but at the same time be cognizant of group think?
1. Do not just drop a new volunteer into the group unannounced, even if it is only temporary. I brought a new volunteer into a group one day and I thought I had walked into a meat locker, the response was so cold. Alert the group beforehand, talk to them in person, or call to keep from putting them on the spot. 2. Play up about the awesomeness of the group to the newbie and vice versa. Let the group know that this new person considers it an honor to join such a fantastic well-functioning group. 3. Appeal to the group’s sensibilities. Say to groups, “I wanted Doug to join you because he’s anxious to do well and I couldn’t think of a volunteer group better able to show him the ropes.” 4. Make it temporary at first. Say, “Doug will be learning from you and I hope that he can join a group of his own once he’s ready.” Sometimes the group will just love the new person and take them in because the decision was their’s to make. If a newbie is not forced upon them, the group is more receptive. 5. Check in often. Observing the dynamics of the group will tell you everything about how well the integration is working. Check in to let the group and the new volunteer know that you care about their success. 6. Make it clear that the organization wants to be inclusive of new folks. I’ve used phrases like, “we don’t want to be the best kept secret,” and “we want everyone to be able to have a meaningful experience. With your help, we can do that with our new volunteers.”
But what if the group still rejects new volunteers? I’ve had groups that, when a member or two is out for extended periods of time get angry because the temporary volunteer doesn’t operate like good old Janet or Bob or whomever is missing. Then, when several newer volunteers tell me that they won’t work with that group because of the way they were treated, I know I have a problem, and it’s time for a volunteer intervention.
Have a chat about change (On their time and turf is best). Invest in members’ feelings. The members of the volunteer group may:
be worried that their missing member is sick and will never return.
be upset that their missing member is cavalierly being replaced.
think that new volunteers will come in and critique them.
feel like they’re not doing a good enough job, because if someone new needs to come in, what does that say about their competence?
Assure the group that you care about the missing member. Reinforce the group’s strengths. Make inclusion a source of accomplishment.
Here’s another part to this: Do we, volunteer managers sometimes play favorites without knowing it? It’s natural to engage volunteers who are “super volunteers,” but it’s our responsibility to look out for new people and integrate them into the team. How can we show that we are inclusive?
look at everyone in the room when speaking.
when chuckling over inside jokes, explain the context to everyone and make everyone part of the fun.
when discussing past events, give a synopsis of the event. (and heck, even long-term volunteers don’t know everything about every event)
introduce new volunteers in meetings.
when asking questions, call on new volunteers.
use welcoming and inclusive verbiage.
speak to accomplishing mission goals together.
enlist long-term volunteers into mentoring new volunteers.
There’s a delicate balance between “clicking” and “clique-ing” and integrating new volunteers into established volunteer groups takes nuanced persuasion.
But then again, ‘Nuanced Persuasion’ is our middle name.
-Meridian
A lot of well-intentioned people advise volunteer managers to treat “hiring” volunteers in the same manner staff is hired. It is not that simple and last week’s post explored why. Here is the list again:
Unlike staff, we do not have a limit on number of volunteers we can accept, so it becomes much harder to turn away a volunteer. (Because volunteers are viewed as “free help” and the more, the merrier)
Qualifications for volunteering are viewed as much simpler and broader than for staff. (meaning there’s a much wider base of volunteers and well, all people want to volunteer right?)
There is this perception surrounding volunteering that anyone who offers their time is fit for the job, which is a complete opposite of the perceptions of staff hiring. (warm body theory)
Unpaid work is viewed as simple, easy and can be done by anyone. (luke-warm body theory) It’s also, the (they can’t hurt anything because they’re not doing anything impactful theory).
Let me add another big one to the list: Managing human capital. Let’s say there’s an open, full-time paid position for an IT person at Organization X. HR interviews candidates and offers the job to an experienced IT person who on-boards.
Now let’s say Organization X needs a volunteer to man the reception desk 20 hours per week. The volunteer manager will interview candidates but that’s where the similarities end. To fill that position, the volunteer manager must “hire” multiple part-time volunteers along with back-ups for the days volunteers are absent. A volunteer manager’s process is exponentially more complex and fluid and requires a much larger amount of human capital to fill a position involving less hours worked.
Another difference lies in retention anchors. HR has salary, benefits, upward mobility, and positive recommendations that hold the IT person in place. Volunteer managers rely on volunteer engagement. We have vastly different, much more time consuming work involved in keeping a volunteer. (and don’t get me started on the work needed to keep a volunteer at an organization who does not require everyone to engage volunteers)
In mathematical equations it looks like this:
1 employee x 4 variables = success!
1 volunteer x 17,892 variables + vol mgr coaching ÷ meaningful job ≥ staying at home watching “Dancing with the Stars.”
It’s no wonder volunteer managers have a hard time saying no to a volunteer beyond the niceness quotient. We have a more labor intensive recruitment and retention process and every volunteer we turn away equals losing those hours we’ve spent.
It’s not a surprise when volunteer managers back peddle and put in a “warm body,” especially when hounded by comments like “I guess you don’t think we need more volunteers or you’d be out recruiting them.”
But we must find the best people for each volunteer role. This doesn’t mean we have to reject potential volunteers from our organizations. And it doesn’t mean all those recruitment hours should go to waste. We can first classify every potential volunteer as advocates by structuring our recruitment to lay out advocacy and expectations from the start.
Messaging that says, “we need you and everybody else in the world,” sets us up for failure when we don’t need that guy, the one who sneaks a shot of bourbon during breaks in training.
Begin at the very beginning. Start by introducing service to your organization as, “we need more advocates for our mission.” Volunteering for our organizations, as we are told by volunteers is a privilege. Set up the expectation that volunteers are elevated advocates. Make orientation and open houses about advocacy. Welcome the attendees and tell them what actions they can do to help. Give them an advocacy sheet outlining your mission, your work and verbiage to use when advocating. Equip them with pamphlets to pass out. Show them your interactive website.
Introduce volunteering and donating as forms of elevated advocacy or the next step. Explain that potential volunteers will go through an interview and background check process. Show examples of volunteer roles but stress required qualifications and skills. Introduce your policies and procedures and impress upon the advocates your commitment to providing mission value. Make volunteering for your organization a coveted position, one that advocates will want to aspire to, instead of expecting to be automatically accepted because “hey you need someone, right?”
Capture each new advocate’s email and keep them in the loop with email blasts, updates on mission work, new initiatives etc. Encourage them to send in their advocacy hours-anything they have done to further the mission by speaking to friends, leaving pamphlets at clubhouses, businesses, etc. Most likely, you can’t record those hours because these advocates are not official volunteers, but so what? Record them on a separate spreadsheet and share them with the advocates in an email.
Design a report that shows all the advocate relationships and their hours. This report highlights two important but seldom understood volunteer management accomplishments:
time spent schmoozing with people is not just “having fun” but rather, has purpose.
relationships forged in volunteer services extend mission outreach and awareness.
Invite advocates to events and if your organization is on-board with having them work the event, then invite them to participate in a small way. Label episodic groups “group advocates” because a goal with one time and corporate groups is to create partnerships with folks who will advocate for us once they’ve completed a volunteering assignment.
Let’s say an advocate interviews for a volunteer position and you deem them not a good fit for the role. Tell them that this particular position is not right for their skills or talents. It’s more palatable to be told that you aren’t right for a position than to feel like an organization is rejecting you altogether. It’s subtle, but less harsh.
Tell the person you appreciate their advocacy and their willingness to help (because it’s the truth). Making advocacy about action is giving people a way to be involved versus telling them “no, you can’t volunteer,” and then shutting the door.
Let them apply again for another position. The point is, we create relationships with people beyond filling a task. Let that work for you. Ask advocates to recruit more advocates (and potential volunteers). The message then becomes, “We appreciate your willingness to help. There are many ways to help including, but not limited to volunteering.” It’s inclusion versus an all or nothing approach.
Reach out to other agencies who are looking for volunteers and see if there are opportunities open as I suggested in this post from last year, Innovation and Sustainable Volunteering.
Clearly this is not meant for the potential volunteer who is destructive or wildly inappropriate. It is for those potential volunteers who are on the cusp. Forging a relationship with them as advocates doesn’t slam the door in their face and who knows, they may eventually become volunteers or bring in volunteers or donors or more advocates.
We, volunteer managers don’t have to accept that we have an all or nothing approach. When faced with challenges, we find ways to overcome them. Volunteering is about action. Advocacy is also about action. Creating an advocacy role that uplifts volunteering to an elevated form increases mission awareness and reach. It also gives us more control over volunteer engagement and assignments.
And heck, I’ll admit it: I know I have to, but I just hate to turn people away.
We need volunteers. We say as much, in ads, to staff, to other volunteers and to the woman behind us in line as the barista makes our coffee. So, how can we justify rejecting anyone who steps forward and raises their hand? Because, as much as we want every person who even mutters the word “volunteering” to succeed, we need volunteers who will make a positive impact on our missions.
What do you do when someone applies to volunteer and you realize they will not work out? Do you practice avoidance because you’re a nice person and nice people don’t reject other people, especially to their faces? Do you accidentally lose their paperwork? Do you string them along by saying “every job is closed right now due to an internal audit and I’m not sure when the jobs will open back up so hang in there,” in hopes they will get tired of asking?
Or do you accept them and just hope the problems won’t be too big? Do you keep them so close that they’re practically an extension of you and then you fall behind on deadlines? Do you place them with great volunteers, hoping constructive influence will remake them?
Ok, I’m not proud of it, but at one time or another, I’ve actually used every one of the above “strategies.” And, yes, you guessed it, every one failed. These strategies failed because they were not sound to begin with.
We, volunteer managers are often faced with difficult choices, ones made more difficult because we are working with volunteers. Unlike an HR department that hires staff, our situation is much different in these ways:
Unlike staff, we do not have a limit on number of volunteers we can accept, so it becomes much harder to turn away a volunteer.
Qualifications for volunteering are viewed as much simpler and broader than for staff.
There is this perception surrounding volunteering that anyone who offers their time is already fit for the job, which is a complete opposite of the perceptions of staff hiring.
Unpaid work is viewed as simple, easy and can be done by anyone.
Perceptions of volunteers and their contributions hinder our ability to be choosy, but we must. We are responsible for providing volunteers who positively impact our missions. But there’s another reason to be choosy. As we advance our volunteer engagement programs, we have to tighten up our methods for maximum impact and move away from being overwhelmed by unproductive ends.
The first step in finding solutions is to examine our own objections to having a difficult conversation with a potential volunteer. The difficult “rejection” conversation is different from having a talk with an existing volunteer (see Difficult Conversations with Staff or Volunteers) in these ways:
We don’t know the potential volunteer as well as we know an existing volunteer.
We haven’t given the potential volunteer a chance.
We’ve work hard to recruit the volunteer and now we’re rescinding that invitation.
We don’t know the approach that works with a volunteer we barely know.
We feel like we’ve failed because our recruitment strategy didn’t capture the perfect person.
We can’t keep using avoidance or risky strategies. Those counter intuitive strategies waste everyone’s time and create ill feelings when our goal is to create positive relationships. And we can actually create a relationship with a rejected volunteer.
The first thing we need to do, is to stop using the word “reject.” Reject is a harsh word, meaning deny, eliminate and dismiss. Instead, let’s look at reshaping the potential volunteer. Let’s view every person who comes to volunteer as our chance to create organizational advocates. Not everyone has to volunteer to become an advocate. Heck, one-time volunteers or people who tour your office can be advocates.
Volunteer managers excel at building relationships and rejection just doesn’t fit our style. Once you rethink rejection as potentially building a relationship, then prepare yourself to “reshape” the prospective volunteer by:
Reminding yourself that not all people will fit the volunteer role, but all people can be advocates.
Reassuring yourself that your goal is to create an advocate, not a person who feels mistreated because of avoidance strategies.
Giving yourself permission to feel disappointed, but assure yourself that you are a proactive leader who is finding the best solution for all.
Reminding yourself that it is more cruel to set a volunteer up for failure than it is to find an alternative solution from the start.
Viewing the opportunity to mold your engagement program.
We, volunteer managers are not comfortable rejecting volunteers so let’s stop looking at it in this way. We want everyone to excel. But not everyone has to excel in the task boxes our organizations have created, so it is up to us to invent new boxes.
If we develop a volunteer engagement system that allows for avenues, reshaping becomes much more palatable for us and for the new advocate.
A very dear colleague used to use the phrase, “let’s part as friends,” when turning down a job applicant. We can take that one step further and say to any potential volunteer who may not be right for a particular task, “let’s advocate for a cause we believe in.”
Next time: Systems in place to turn a rejection into a reshaping.
Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on everything we are thankful for. We are inspired by volunteers, our community and each other.
But, can we be thankful for challenges? Can we be humbled, yet encouraged by the things that give us fits? For volunteer managers, our challenge lies in the paradox that is our place in the non-profit world.
We’re thankful for the profound connections our volunteers make but not thankful for the twinge in the pit of our stomachs when fellow non-profit staff say things like, “be glad you’re not in management,” or “my son stayed home from school today. Please be a dear and give him some volunteer stuff to do while I work.”
We’re thankful that our efforts produce real solutions, but not thankful when we are expected to fill-in for absent volunteers.
We’re thankful that our community is richer because of our volunteer engagement program but not thankful when we’re told that we are classified as a 40 hour position, yet on our time off we field phone calls from volunteers who weren’t given clear instructions.
We can rage at the moon or we can do something. We can look at our challenges as an opportunity to enact change, one that will elevate our programs, our volunteers and ourselves.
Volunteer managers are the antithesis of the “woe is me” crowd. Action is our middle name. We are in motion all the time.
Let’s take this opportunity to fix the paradox. Let’s do this for our volunteers, for the people we serve, for our communities and for the leaders of volunteers who will come after us.
Let’s be thankful that we, here and now have been given this opportunity. Let’s find one another, unleash a united movement and elevate volunteers, volunteer management and volunteer managers.
In the U.S., the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday signals retail’s frenzied push to profit and the beginning of the holiday season. For me it was always more of a Frazzled Friday because I was never quite prepared for the outpouring of love for mankind by hopeful one time volunteers after the stupor of eating too much turkey and mayo on leftover oven biscuits wore off.
Ahhhh, that giving spirit warms the heart or maybe it’s indigestion from cranberry sauce with whole berries, (cause they ran out of the regular) I’m not sure. You know what I’m talking about. People are in the mood to do a good deed.
It could be the steaming cup of hot cocoa or the search for the perfect gift for Grandma Maria or the filled seats in a place of worship that stirs the soul into thinking of others. It could be instinct and we humans, like birds migrating, have an internal clock that collectively ticks towards helping.
No matter the reason, you brace yourself for the stampede of human kindness.
Alicia calls to say her three kids need to come in and find out just how good they have it by seeing people less fortunate than they are. Can you pick out a few good down on their luck folks to show them?
Mrs. Bancroft stops by, wanting to donate the leftovers from her holiday book club party. She needs help getting the half eaten cake with “Hap Hol” written on top and large tub of spoiling fruit salad out of her car. When she closes her trunk she winks, “Give it to the hungry people. They’ll love it.”
Celia shows up with her trumpet and says she wants to “cheer up” all the poor folks with her rendition of Three Dog Night’s “Joy to the World.”
Andre, a photography student drops in unannounced because he had this dream last night and he wants to photograph sad faces and share his work with the world.
Yep, love for fellow man is filling up hearts like giant blow up Santas on motorcycles. You remember the last health department inspection and schlep all the food to the trash after Mrs. Bancroft has gone. You politely lie to Alicia and say you’re sorry but you’re standing knee deep in water because there’s been a water main break and no one is allowed in the building for the foreseeable future. You tell Celia that all the “poor folks” are allergic to music and tell Andre that the sad people are down the street at city hall.
The holidays bring out more one-time volunteers with requests than we can handle. It’s easy to dismiss their naivete and motives when you and volunteers are busy balancing the light and dark that holidays bring to your clients. Holiday one timers don’t get that we have processes; that they can’t use our clients for a feel good moment.
We can wonder where that desire to do something nice for our fellow citizens hibernates all year. We can wave our hands in front of puzzled faces and say, “you’ve got this all wrong! If you would come in and take volunteer orientation, I can show you volunteering’s real meaning.” We can mutter under our breath, “seriously, you want to hand out pictures of your son, who has a bit part in a movie about a homeless man to our families as inspiration?”
Can we just bottle this enthusiasm, pour it into our volunteer engagement brew, stir it up and come out with a perfect volunteer? Maybe we need to serve turkey or figgy pudding or hot cocoa all year round.
Or maybe we can find some solace in the absurdity and know that there’s good in most everyone, even if it doesn’t show in an appropriate volunteering way. As hopeful beings, we can continue to hand out our volunteering pamphlets and invite everyone who breathlessly calls us with a need to do something good to come and participate in a real way.
And, we can remind ourselves nothing is perfect, we can’t make every person understand how volunteering works and we have real work to do for our clients who are both hurt and hopeful during the holidays. We can be kind but still tune out our inner voice that whispers, “you’ve got to try. Make this person see how magical volunteering can be.”
The holidays are wonderful, stressful and overwhelming without the addition of added pressures. While you are humming “Jeremiah was a bullfrog,” formulate your strategy for making this season work for you, for your volunteers and for your mission.
And for all the Alicias, Mrs. Bancrofts, Celias and Andres out there, you’ve got it kinda backwards, but thanks for caring.
Does volunteer management ever make you cry? It does, doesn’t it? I mean, when you are sitting there and a volunteer recounts their struggle with being bullied as a child or they tell you about their journey through rehab or their fight to beat cancer, you just break down and cry because you care and feel their pain.
And then there’s the pride cry when we witness volunteers wrapping a child in their arms or brushing the tear off the cheek of a grieving spouse. We well up when volunteers win an award because we witnessed their profound effect on those we serve. We weep when volunteers suffer a loss or when we see one of them grow fragile. We cry openly when they leave because they mean more to us than the hours they’ve spent.
But do you ever cry out of frustration? When it’s all your body can do? I remember crying like that once. I was managing a resale shop with little to no resources except the great volunteers. I would borrow a hospital laundry truck to pick up donated furniture and ask an able-bodied volunteer to go along with me on the route that I had meticulously mapped out. Depending upon where the pickups were located and how much the donor had planned to donate, the route made maximum use of the truck.
It happened during the last stop one day. It was 5:00 pm and I had to unload the truck at the shop and get it back by the hospital’s evening laundry run at 6:00 pm. The hospital had already sternly warned me that if I didn’t return it by 6, (I’d been late returning it several times already) they would not lend it out anymore, so I needed to hurry.
My volunteer, Peter and I parked in front of the last house and got out. The donor was waiting to meet us. “I know I said I had two pieces of furniture, but we’re moving and I want you to take all of it.”
Peter and I looked at each other. He and his wife had dinner plans with relatives who were visiting from out-of-town. “We won’t be able,” I began to say, but the donor cut in. “It has to be gone tonight. I thought we could get it into storage but we can’t. Our son was in an accident and he’s taken a turn for the worse.” His voice trembled. “We need to get to him.”
Peter and I started to gather the furniture and haul it into the truck. The cargo space was nearly full and we had to jam the furniture in any way we could. I looked at my watch and realized that there was no way I could get the truck back in time. That meant the hospital would stop loaning it to me and the arduous task of having to find another vehicle all over again loomed.
I knew that Peter would miss his milestone birthday dinner with his family. He didn’t say it, but I knew how important this was to him. My body was tired, my mind exhausted and thoughts of “what am I doing all this for anyway, I can’t get ahead,” began to swirl. My careful planning meant nothing now. Standing there in the back of the truck amidst all the tangled lamps and chairs, I broke down. It was so defeating.
Peter stopped and gave me a minute and then he said, “Look, it’s ok. We’re going to do this. I can join my family when I get home, it’ll be fine.”
“But it’s your birthday. Some birthday. I made you miss it. And they will take the truck away,” I said through tears.
Peter nodded and said, “Yes, they probably will. But look, you’ve got us. All of us volunteers and we will figure this out. We’ve done it before and we will do it again.”
We finished that night almost three hours late. I thanked Peter and drove the truck back to the hospital where my car was parked. After I gave the keys to an angry attendant, I got in my car and headed home. As I drove, I broke down and cried again.
This time though, I wept because I was surrounded by volunteers like Peter.
We all hate lying. It’s dishonest and harmful. It sucks. But it seems like we are ok with telling ourselves lies because well, we can take it or maybe because we think the truth is too scary to face or maybe we just like messing with our own heads or heck, I’m no psychologist, I honestly don’t know why we do it.
A lot of volunteer managers, myself included have been lying to ourselves for years. And how do these lies manifest themselves? With stress, frustration, passive-aggressive behavior, shutting off, self-doubt. Lying to ourselves is destructive.
So let’s just examine some of the top volunteer manager self-lies and put them to the volunteer manager Truth o’ Meter test. The volunteer manager Truth o’ Meter is foolproof. I know this because I paid no attention when I asked it if I should announce at the volunteer luncheon that “you volunteers should go on strike and hold out until all staff tattoo ‘we couldn’t do this without our volunteers’ on their arms.” Yeah, the Truth o’ Meter was right on that one.
The top 6 lies we tell ourselves are:
“Volunteers need my undivided attention or they will leave.”
“When I can’t provide a volunteer, I’ve failed.”
“If I just give it some time, problems will work themselves out.”
“I have no business asking for resources or a raise or a promotion.”
“I can’t make others see how important volunteering is.”
“No one wants to hear my version of leadership.”
So let’s go over these lies and see why that little voice that whispers in our ear is destructive and wrong.
To #1,”Volunteers need my undivided attention or they will leave,” I’m thinking no. (Well, wait, when volunteer Dottie comes in and recounts her serious accident for the fifteenth time, the one that happened 10 years ago, it’s because she needs to voice her feelings and…woah, there’s that voice again..) No. Stop the voice. Volunteers are with us because they want a volunteer experience that enhances their lives. Enabling long non-productive volunteer interactions (or gabby staff for that matter, am I right?) accumulates and robs other volunteers and clients of your time. We don’t have to hear and invest in every personal story over and over. We can listen for a few moments and redirect the volunteer to their volunteering. The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 89% false.
To #2, “When I can’t provide a volunteer, I’ve failed.” Ok, so sometimes we’re busy doing something else and sometimes we are in a funk or can’t remember the name of that volunteer who told us during that long conversation like the ones in #1 that he played the bongos and now staff wants to get a bongo playing volunteer. Sure, once in a while it’s actually our fault and we can own that, but it’s time to realize that not every task will be filled and that doesn’t detract from the tremendous impact made by our volunteers. The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 98% false.
To #3, “If I just give it some time, problems will work themselves out.” Do we need to talk about avoidance? We can hope all we want that Clarence in accounting will stop calling volunteers “little nuisances” and will see the light or volunteer Ed will stop interrupting staff to tell multiple old elephant jokes, but we’d be wrong. Meeting challenges head-on saves us from bigger headaches down the road. Tactful mediation ensures solving challenges so that all sides can satisfactorily work towards meeting mission goals. The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 99.5% false.
To #4, “I have no business asking for a resources or a raise or a promotion.” Hmm, have you told the CEO she doesn’t know what she’s doing lately? I thought not. Why can’t we ask for a promotion or resources or a raise? We manage a huge amount of human capital that positively impacts people, have mad engagement skills and know our organizations inside and out and have ideas that will work. Yeah, we need to keep our heads down and keep telling ourselves we’re not good enough. The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 99.8% false.
To #5, “I can’t make others see how important volunteering is.” Ok, sure, it’s hard, no, actually it is really hard. There’s so much to engaging volunteers and how do we put that into an elevator speech or a sound bite? But our passion to see volunteers respected will lead to better ways of showing impact and as we all work towards professionalized and elevated volunteer management, it will become more clear. Hang in there for The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 99.9% false.
To #6, “No one wants to hear my version of leadership,” Uh huh. Yeah, why would they? We don’t inspire anyone. We don’t lead volunteers to do amazing things. Nah, who would want to hear that anyway? If your comfort zone (you know the one where fluffy pillows embroidered with “I’m just the volunteer coordinator” lay atop bean bag chairs filled with ‘keep a low profile’ nuggets and ‘no risk zone’ signs adorn the zen green walls) is holding you back, then venture out of it, one toe at a time. Speak up at a meeting, enter into discussions, offer to present some findings and showcase your style of organic leadership. You have so much to offer. The Truth o’ Meter proclaims this 100% false.
There you have it. The top 6 lies volunteer managers tell ourselves has been debunked.
And remember, the Volunteer Manager Truth o’ Meter never lies.
Wow, I’m still shaking. I just got back from a midnight screening of “The Volorcist,” that indie movie from “Magician’s Hat” production company. They’re the same group that brought us “Little Shop of Volunteer Horrors” a few years back.
Yep, my volunteer manager friends and I decided at the last minute to take in the screening. We found the theater, well, actually it wasn’t a theater, it was in the basement of an apartment building but hey, they had popcorn, so we went in and took our seats on the folding chairs. We had decided to dress up as volunteer managers for the movie and a couple of us wore magician’s hats and another carried a magic wand. I opted to wear my pack mule costume which was a mistake. I kept falling off the chair because the “junk” strapped to the back of my itchy mule costume made me top heavy.
Anyway, the synopsis is:
In a quiet non-profit, a pleasant volunteer Rebin, begins to change. She signs her name on the sign in sheet as “wouldn’t you like to know.” Normally soft-spoken, she starts loudly reprimanding other volunteers and pointing out their “mistakes.” She yells at one fellow volunteer for “arriving 4 minutes late,” and screams at another for “bringing in those communist homemade kolachkes for everyone to eat.”
Good volunteers quit in frustration.
Staff seeks answers from the newly hired volunteer coordinator, Darrius, who can’t believe things are that bad. He calls Rebin into his office for a chat. An inexperienced Darrius offers her a cup of coffee and flippantly says. “I hear you’ve been mistreating other volunteers.” He chuckles at the absurd notion.
Enraged, Rebin shouts as she slams her cup down, “well if you did your job, then I wouldn’t have to step in!” A spray of coffee spittle hits Darrius, who takes out his handkerchief and wipes his face. Rebin continues, her eyes wild with anger. “I’m the only one here who does things right.” Just then, the room grows icy cold when the ancient building’s heater unit stopped working again. Puffs of icy breath billow in front of Rebin. The ringing of the desk phone shatters the silence but Darrius ignores it, because he knows who it is (It’s the executive secretary who always calls him when something in the building breaks). Rebin growls at him and walks out.
The next day, Rebin comes up behind a volunteer, Buck and snatches papers from his hand. “You filed the 525 project under P,” she screams, “it goes under 5 you moron!” Shaken staff run from the room. Buck storms out and heads for Darrius’ office.
Overwhelmed and unsure how to handle the situation, Darrius calls the former volunteer coordinator, Lannie, a crusty older woman who agrees to drive her 20-year-old camper where she’s been living since retiring on a non-profit pension back to town to help.
She arrives with a satchel full of worn books on management the following day. Clutching the book her former boss gave her, “Workers Are Wrong, But You Can Make Them Obey,” Lannie suggests a strategy involving using the sandwich method of reprimanding (you know, the one where you praise the volunteer first, then point out that he/she has done something wrong, well, wait, now that you are here with those volunteer eyes looking at you, not really wrong, but maybe just misunderstood, or well, honestly what they did wasn’t so bad, no…wait it was actually justified, or needed and they were actually right all along and what were you thinking criticizing this perfect volunteer and then you wrap up with how great they are and how you are not worthy to have them, so nothing is ever resolved) They call Rebin in.
She arrives, spewing accusations at them and with fear in their eyes, they ask her to sit down. Darrius begins to read out of the policies and procedures manual while Lannie attempts to use healing touch to calm Rebin down. Rebin resists. She pulls away from Lannie, her nervous leg bouncing wildly, causing her chair to move beneath her. It rattles on the floor, making an unearthly sound as she shouts, “I’m that extra layer of caring!”
The Executive Director sticks her head in the door, asking “what is all this noise about,” and Rebin’s head whips around so quickly, it looks like it swiveled on her neck. In an other worldly voice, she hollers, ” It’s not fair! It’s Darrius’ fault! He told me I had leadership potential!” The Executive Director shuts the door and scurries away.
All heck breaks loose. Rebin looks for Darrius’ weak spot. “You’re new. You don’t know anything at all, do you,” and for a moment Darrius freezes, feeling completely inadequate until Lannie snaps him out of it by whacking him with his ‘zen office worker’ mug. Darrius resumes reciting the policies and procedures manual while Rebin laughs maniacally.
Together, Lannie and Darrius repeat over and over, “we have rules, we have rules.” Rebin suddenly growls, “fine, I quit,” and gets up so fast that Lannie falls off her chair. At that moment, Darrius realizes that he needs to step up because he is the best person to make this situation better. He knows what he needs to do.
He runs to Rebin and puts his hand on her shoulder, flinching because she is electric with rage. He gently says to her, “Rebin, I’ve had some volunteers and staff come to me with complaints. I really want to hear your side of the story and work with you to make this right for you and for everyone else. Will you come back and we’ll sit down together and figure this out?”
Rebin relaxes, and Darrius can feel all the anger leave her. She nods, and Darrius promises to call her the next day. Rebin hugs him as she leaves.
An exhausted Darrius helps up his fallen colleague Lannie, who mutters, “Welcome to volunteer management.”
I would recommend this movie to any volunteer manager who:
a) thinks they can’t work with volunteers who get into trouble
b) thinks they have little control over volunteer engagement
c) is not confident in their abilities to mediate challenging situations
Please join Lisa McDee and me for a twitter chat tomorrow, Thursday, October 11th at 8pm Uk time, 3pm ET, 2pm CT, 1pm MT, 12noon PT on “Dealing with difficult volunteer behavior.” #ttvolmgrs
We are all going to encounter difficult volunteer behavior, but it doesn’t have to be scary.
volunteerplaintalk 