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Hello 2016! Well, the dreaded “I have to make” new year’s resolutions time is here. It’s inevitable, just like dental checkups, taxes and frantic binge preparations before a volunteer training session. So, unlike last year’s resolutions that jetted out the window after a few days, hopefully this year’s resolutions will be kept. (at least until  I’m fired or I’m sent to ’employee counseling’, whichever comes first)

To recap, last year’s highly admirable but unattainable resolutions were:

  1. I will not hide in the bathroom when volunteer Zelma comes in because I can’t hear about how her daughter in law is ruining her son’s life one more time. (after only 3 days into the new year and spending 45 minutes listening to Zelma describe her daughter in law’s inability to make proper cheese blintzes, the next time I saw her come in, I bolted for the bathroom where I keep a Reese’s peanut butter cup taped under the towel dispenser.)
  2. I will make senior manager Ella stop claiming that “there are no volunteers when you need them.” (yeah, after I stood up in that January staff meeting and spit out all kinds of impressively convoluted stats that no one could wrap their heads around, one of the volunteers had an emergency and could not show for an important assignment. And we all know that one volunteer’s absence is the basis for judging all volunteer involvement . Sigh. )
  3. I will stop apologizing to the volunteers for things out of my control. (then my first day back, I answered the phone and a volunteer sweetly asked me to check on a request for reimbursement for an entry fee into an important event that she had to pay out of pocket because someone in marketing forgot to pay it, so she forked out $200 of her own money to cover the expense. Her request for reimbursement was submitted over three months before. “Holy crap,” I involuntarily shouted, ” I’m so so SO sorry!”)

So, this year, I’m going to pick just one of two possible resolutions and see if, for once, I can’t just stick to the one. My possible life altering resolutions for 2016 are in no particular order:

  1. I’m going to now demand to be referred to as Goddess of Volunteers, because leader, manager, and coordinator do not seem to command any respect, so I’m going big and mythological. I will speak in a foamy but otherworldly voice and wear an olive branch crown and flowing gowns with gold sandals, even in the snow. I will announce that “I come from the sea on the half shell and will rule all volunteers like the beautiful goddess I am.” Hey, they say visuals work, so I’m calling ’em on it.
  2. I will not drive a volunteer to North Carolina. I know this is pretty specific, but I figure if I say “out of state” I will really hamstring my chances of keeping this one. Maybe I should say, I will not drive a volunteer and her entire family to North Carolina for her grandfather’s doctor’s appointment to make it more attainable. I might have to add “in months that have more than 30 days” to really give me an edge. Here’s the tricky part on this one.  I’m afraid that when volunteer Cal tells me his kids finally took away his driver’s license because, well, he has already hit a few cars in the parking lot when he comes to volunteer, I’ll be shouting, “you’ve got shotgun Cal, get it!”

So, maybe instead I should just resolve to do my best, be fair and professional and try to see the beauty in my job every day. That’s one I’m pretty sure I can keep.