volunteerplaintalk

Category: volunteering good for you

  • Benefits of Volunteering: Does Research Miss the Mark?

    “Go volunteer, it’s good for you,” is sorta like looking at a spectacular sunrise and saying, “yep, that’s pretty.” But what exactly does volunteering do for us?

    Many highly respected sources have looked into why volunteering is good for our well-being and their research centers mainly around a given premise.

    Research into volunteering’s benefits on well-being

    One recent article states: “when we help others, we tend to experience what researchers call a warm glow. Second, volunteering is likely to help boost our sense of social connection.”

    https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_volunteering_can_help_your_mental_health

    The premise surrounding volunteering’s benefits typically focuses on our need to belong and the “helper’s high.” Research also concludes there are benefits from sharpening skills that translate into job searching, especially for younger volunteers. And then, researchers conclude that “more research needs to be done.”

    Researchers, here’s my gift to you. Over the years, I’ve witnessed volunteering benefits I haven’t heard anyone talk about. (except other volunteer managers)

    I’m no psychologist and don’t pretend to be one, (unless I can’t get caught) although one time, when I was introduced to a therapist who was seeing a friend of mine, he fixed me in his gaze and said, “stop practicing without a license.” Ok, you got me. But what I’ve seen through the years in volunteering is:

    Volunteering removes a multitude of inner pressures the volunteer feels in everyday life. For instance:

    • Was I paid fairly for my work? Do I make enough money? (when there’s no money involved, guess what? Everyone is paid fairly.)
    • Am I less than any other volunteer? (no, because when I’m connecting with someone who’s hurting, it makes no difference what my title is, how much money I have, how beautiful I am etc.)
    • Is every little thing being criticized/analyzed? (in most cases no-I’m pretty much given encouragement; my volunteer manager is like a coach and has sincere faith in my abilities.)
    • Am I appreciated for what I do or am I just a cog in the wheel? (I feel welcomed when I’m told how needed I am, how much I’m appreciated for showing up. Imagine that happening at my job? Ok, maybe at first, but every time I show up? Ha!)

    But wait, there’s more:

    Volunteering’s additional benefits:

    • There’s a sense of newness/wonder.(I’m excited to come once or twice a week/month etc. and reinvigorate my volunteering.)
    • I can relax and be accepted for who I am. (After my initial nervousness, I realized the organization is pretty chill and a whole heap of pressure came off. I found I’m a lot more talented than I thought.)
    • I’m doing this because I want to. (no one’s making me show up. I’m here because I want to be here. I’m here because I feel good being here. I call it, “my time to be me.” I feel free from the pressures to be a partner, a worker, a parent, a neighbor, and someone’s child. I feel those expectations lift and you know what? I’m a better at all of the above because I’m proving to myself that I’m a good person.)
    • I am doing something meaningful, something altruistic, something free of bringing me money or fame or influence. This has a more pure feel to it. (and thanks to my wonderful volunteer manager, I understand my contributions are really helping. I know my time is valued.)
    • I’ve got a chance to be good on a level playing field. (I feel like my life is kind of a mess right now, but here, I’m told my volunteering is amazing. You know what? I believe my volunteer manager. I can see for myself. My volunteering is amazing and I’m kinda amazing after all.)
    • This is a safe-haven in my storm of life. (wow, how wonderful to have a place to go where I’m encouraged, cared about and can focus on something other than what’s happening in my life. It’s my place of refuge.)
    • My inner skills come out. (I didn’t realize how good I was at relating to people or solving problems or getting things done until I was given the freedom to explore my talents. )
    • I’m connecting with people I’d never get to meet. (New connections open my world, and reinforce my hope that humanity is basically good)
    • I’m learning and growing.

    Research is wonderful, but it needs to look deeper. It needs to ask, “what stifling pressures are lifted when people volunteer? What potentials do people discover when stepping outside their boxes?” And finally, “what well-being benefits are hiding just beneath the surface?”

    In my mind, volunteering is the freedom to be human. It’s complicated, but so basic. Volunteering can peel away the everyday pressures we feel and free us to be our most genuine human selves, the selves we yearn to be.

    who has the answers?

    Maybe researchers could save some time by asking volunteer managers what volunteering benefits they’ve witnessed. You know, expand the research a bit?

    Or wait. Maybe, just maybe, researchers could look into the role a welcoming and vibrant volunteer initiative plays in creating an atmosphere in which a volunteer’s well-being increases. And, oh, yeah, maybe ask what role a competent and knowledgeable volunteer manager who coaches, encourages, mentors, and builds up the volunteer plays in furthering a volunteer’s well-being.

    Hey! Maybe there’s a direct correlation.

    -Meridian

    oh, for more reading (cause ya can’t get enough, right?), here’s an older post on gathering some of these statistics and showcasing them. Maybe researchers would start to take notice.

    Is it Time to Start Selling Volunteer Perfume?

  • When a Volunteer is “Ok,” But Not Ok

    person showing fingers
    Photo by Victor Freitas on Pexels.com

    I have this friend who prides herself on “being ok” with adjusting to whatever the situation presents. However, at the same time, she makes side comments about having to adapt or being uncomfortable. So, I’m confused. Is she ok or is she not?

    It makes me think of certain volunteers I’ve known who do the same thing. “Oh, that’s fine,” they’ll say or “no problem,” when in fact, it isn’t fine and it is a problem. And here’s the thing with these confusing messages. The people who tell you they’re ok when they’re really not believe that they are making it easier on you, when in fact, they are making it way harder, because here you are, spending mental and emotional energy trying to figure out what they need through the cryptic verbal and body language clues they give.

    When you ask them to be honest, they brush it off, saying, “it’s no big deal.” But you know better. So, what can we do with these volunteers? Banish them from our programs? Continue to play a part in their game of emotional hide and seek?

    For what it’s worth, I’ve developed a few methods over the years when dealing with the “I’m ok, but really I’m not” messaging. They are:

    Be direct by addressing the verbal or body language clues: Say to your volunteer, “I appreciate you telling me that you are fine with the change in assignment, but I’m sensing from your comments (or body language or tone) that you’re not fine and that’s ok. I want to make sure we address your concerns because you are vitally important to us and you play a huge part in how we achieve our goal.”

    Lay out your ability to spot clues up front: Tell volunteers in training or meetings that it is your job to observe them. Make it funny if you like, but get the point across that you (maybe you say it’s a curse) can spot bulls#$@ a mile away from years of working with people.  You can make it fun by calling it your fib o’meter or something similar. Tell them you will call them out and then jokingly yell, “The fib o’meter says you are not ok!” Everyone will laugh, but the point is made.

    Then add the serious element. Let volunteers know that it is your job to make sure they are giving their time free of annoyances, because their experiences should enhance their lives, not complicate them. And, volunteering by grudging acquiescence doesn’t help anyone, themselves included.

    Check up on them: Ask questions. Ask clients, other volunteers and staff. Checking in to see how volunteers are faring is part of our job. If you hear that “volunteer Jules is complaining all the time,” then by all means, address it. Job satisfaction is a key component to not only volunteer sustainability, but also key to bringing a volunteer’s best work which is what we want our clients to have.

    Enlist staff: Enlighten them on the effects of changing volunteer assignments or time-frames or requirements. Let them know that changing or canceling an assignment at the last moment creates volunteer acquiescence which leads to volunteer fatigue which leads to volunteer burnout.

    Make it clear that this behavior is unproductive: If you’ve had multiple conversations and the behavior is affecting job performance, then you have to weigh whether this volunteer is irreplaceable and whether you have to accept any and all behaviors. But also look at the ripple effect. How does this behavior affect other volunteers? What message does the acceptance of negative behavior send to your team?

    I vividly remember this one volunteer when I managed a thrift store. Our team was pretty happy most of the time and this new volunteer came in and complained continuously to the other volunteers but told me that “everything was fine.” The team’s mood shifted.

    One day, I just couldn’t take any more “I’m fine” talk. It wasn’t so much that this volunteer annoyed me, it was the fact that she was destroying the volunteer team’s productive balance. So, I took her aside and pointedly asked, “are you happy here?”

    To my surprise, she hesitated and then said, “not really,” and told me she thought the store was poorly run and the other volunteers were incompetent. I said, “then I don’t think you should be in a place that makes you this unhappy.” I didn’t fire her; I gave her my opinion that she should take the steps to quit and she did. On the spot.

    From simply being accomodating to acquiescence to out-and-out hiding displeasure, there are many levels of volunteer flexibility. It falls upon us to determine when flexibility turns into grudging compliance and burnout. The more (with kindness) direct we are with volunteers, the closer we get to their motivations and true satisfaction.

    And ultimately by investigating the emotions behind the words, we acheive that intersection between volunteer sustainability and mission transformative work. It’s the place where volunteers give of their time and talents freely, a place where volunteers get back the intangible rewards that fill them with joy and a place where the volunteers’ contributions have a profound effect.

    It’s a magical place where everyone wins.

    -Meridian

     

     

     

     

  • Is it Time to Start Selling Volunteer Perfume?

    is-it-time-to-start-selling-volunteer-perfume

    In 1886 America, a struggling door to door book salesman, David H. McConnell discovered that the small vials of perfume he offered as “door opening” incentives were more popular than books and from that realization, the Avon Company was founded.

    Well, huh. Volunteer managers know that volunteering enhances the lives of those who volunteer with us. We have seen the grief-stricken person begin to socialize again, the quiet student learn to trust their abilities, and the senior come alive with purpose. We’ve seen volunteers learn so much about themselves that we could write a textbook.

    What if we borrowed from Mr. McConnell and compared books and perfume to recruiting and managing a volunteer force?

    The books: volunteer jobs (Volunteers Needed to Stuff Envelopes)

    The perfume: the benefits of volunteering (Learn New Skills) (Socialize with Caring People) (Change Your Life)

    Maybe the time is right to symbolically begin our own perfume company. Many articles are being written and statistics kept on the benefits of volunteering. Since the evidence that we knew all along is overwhelming,  we can become a greater positive force in our communities by looking to not just fill organizational needs, but to help our fellow citizens enrich their lives by volunteering.

    What if we put as much emphasis on our perfume as on our books? Would developing our perfume company create a larger volunteer force of outstanding volunteers and in return, more books would be sold, er volunteer positions would be filled? I’m thinking, yes.

    We have the most fragrant life enhancing perfume. And yet it is secondary, mostly kept in our desk drawers until a class of new volunteers begin. Then we pull it out and spritz it in the air, letting that intoxicating life enhancing scent fill their nostrils with promise. We should be pumping that scent all over town by the gallon.

    What if, besides volunteer coordinators, we also became “life enhancement coordinators?”  How would that look? Well, for starters we would:

    Add a new focus: We would create positions in our organizations that serve our volunteers and in turn, those innovative jobs would help our clients in new creative ways.

    Put volunteers first:  We would partner with other local organizations to share volunteers instead of operating in dark, isolated caves, all trying to lure the same people inside and clinging to the ones we have, even if we can’t offer them a great volunteer experience and someone else can.

     Create new benefits for our organizations: We would create a community of fluid volunteers who could share talents with many organizations and therefore bring fresh ideas to help each organization grow. (or are non-profits really just in competition with one another for the same donations, publicity and volunteers?)

    Lower volunteer attrition: We would end the cycle of volunteers bouncing from organization to organization and giving up because the process is so tedious.

    Expand organizational reach: We would measure the impact on our communities, thus exponentially mushrooming the outreach and standing of our organizations.  Wait, measure perfume?

    What are some measurable volunteer life enhancing statistics?

    • The number of unemployed people who were able to fill in gaps in their resumes and garnered new recommendations from organizational staff.
    • The number of students who used service learning and organizational recommendations to seek entry into the college of their choice.
    • The number of corporate teams who made a commitment to service, learned team building skills and became supporters of a cause (donations, marketing etc).
    • The number of people who were able to garner people skills as they learned about inter-generational connections or diversity because they were paired with someone different from them.
    • The number of people made aware of X disease or Y social issue or Z traumatic experience by peering firsthand into our missions which gave them word of mouth marketing skills.
    • The number of isolated individuals who were able to socialize and connect, thus decreasing their risk for illness and depression.
    • The number of retired people who were able to launch volunteering careers and stay active with meaningful work.
    • The number of seniors who served critical roles and utilized skills which is proven to ward off dementia and Alzheimer’s.
    • The number of students who will become the citizens of the future due to skills learned, such as philanthropy and leadership.

    What if our organizations showcased these statistics as part of their end of year report? How big and beautiful would that report be? And wouldn’t those incredibly heartwarming stats increase each charities’ standing in the community?

    I think the time is right for volunteer managers to come out of the shadows and lead. Think about all the times a prospective volunteer walked through your door and you instinctively sensed they had a secondary reason to volunteer. Think about all the volunteers you have spent time with, tweaking positions until the right fit presented itself. Think about the programs you have created because you had a group of dynamic volunteers that needed something more. How many times have you heard your volunteers tell you that they get so much more out of volunteering than they give?

    Most of the emotional time and commitment we spend cultivating volunteers and meeting their needs never gets reported. This is why the misconceptions abound. “Managing volunteers is easy.” “All you do is have tea parties and socialize”. “Why can’t you just ask? Someone will do it.”

    While we continually struggle to justify the hours we spend with each and every volunteer, we discover that the biggest part of our jobs lies outside the scope of the organizational definition of volunteer management because our jobs as “life enhancement coordinators” is not properly recognized or measured. We possess the tools to change this misconception.

    Instead of continuing to just peddle books while we possess this life changing fragrance, let’s take matters into our own capable hands.

    Let’s sell perfume.

    -Meridian

  • Volunteering Ointment While the Wound Heals

     

    eagle

    I was reading this article on how volunteering helped a volunteer through her grief and it gave me this warm, familiar feeling, like the cracked and stained coffee cup I reach for every morning. It makes me think of all the volunteers with a story similar to this young woman’s who have applied volunteering as an ointment of sorts on their wounds while they heal.

    I think of Paul, whose beloved wife died so young. His gaping open grief was covered by a thin bandage of keeping busy. Helping others, focusing on someone else’s pain and being surrounded by kind people allowed him a chance to slather on the soothing volunteering ointment each time he came. And he stayed for almost ten years as the  ointment became less necessary, but more of a routine that he was used to and so so good at.

    I think of Judy, whose loss was long ago, but unresolved and ever fresh, who talked about the death of her son as though it had happened twenty minutes before. I think of how she instinctively avoided working with any clients, as though she knew her rawness would just get in the way. But while volunteering behind the scenes, she smeared herself in the listening ears of ever patient staff and volunteers who heard her pain and with encouragement, Judy sought out grief counseling.

    I think of Claire, who had been let go from a long-term and secure job. Her wound was to her psyche, and her face showed the lines of deep self-doubt. Every skill she possessed was slashed open, and each job rejection opened her wound again and again. Claire sought out volunteering like a lost pet who puts its nose against a stranger’s patio door in desperation. Her feelings of worth grew very slowly, but steadily until she shook the mantle of worthlessness and viewed each job rejection as a sign of the times. Eventually she gained employment and was more prepared to walk into her new place with confidence on the mend.

    It’s ironic, because each one of these volunteers was not “retained.” Each one of these “wounded healers” used volunteering as salve while delivering extraordinary work to the organizations they served.

    But they did not stay forever. Their retention lasted as long as the ointment helped them to heal enough that they did not need us anymore. Yes, they left not because we did not need them anymore but because they did not need us anymore.

    And just as we celebrate the release of a rehabilitated injured bird back into the wild, we can celebrate the fact that these volunteers were ready to fly. And we can take some solace in the fact that volunteering helped these wonderful hurting people begin to heal.

    So, should we continue to say that volunteer retention is our end game?  I don’t think so, because personally, I’ll take a soul on the mend over retention any day.

    -Meridian

  • “It’s Good to Remember, Remember With You”

    With his permission granted, I want to share a song written several years ago by Michael Becker, a talented singer and songwriter who strove to capture the connections volunteers make with folks suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Mike spent many years not only volunteering with people at end of life but also inspiring new volunteers to follow their hearts.  I’ve been humbled witnessing Mike playing his song for patients, caregivers, family members and volunteers who quietly relate to that difficult journey through memory loss. As Mike says, “I’m just grateful to be able to share my experiences through my music.”

    Please enjoy

    -Meridian

     

     

     

  • Are We Forgetting Someone in This Conversation?

    restricted areaLately I’ve been reading about the UK’s debate on whether out of work young people should do some volunteering in exchange for benefits. I’m not going to go into any opinion on whether or not this is a good or bad idea, but the conversation made me think of several experiences I’ve had and how the volunteer manager is seemingly left out of this equation.

    One of the first experiences I had with someone forced to volunteer was with a young woman named Tori. She had to complete 50 hours of community service for a misdemeanor. She came to me very early in my career, and I thought I could show Tori the beauty of volunteering. I thought I could show Tori that immersing herself in the woes of others would give her a new and helpful perspective. I thought I could change the world through Tori. I was wrong. Those 50 hours were some of the longest of my life. She did not want to be there and by the 49th hour, I have to admit, I was happy to see the back of her as she walked out the door.

    I also remember another volunteer, Julian. A med student at a local university, Julian popped in one afternoon looking to “do some meaningful volunteering.” Young, with an urban handsomeness, he said he needed hands on experience with beside manner. “You know,” he said, “the kind of skills they don’t teach you in school.” I listened to his impassioned plea and then decided to short track him into volunteering. I reasoned that we needed more caring physicians, right? He wanted to initially do some data entry and then move on to working with patients because he had a full schedule of classes. I saw no reason not to let him begin that way and gave him assignments. He always seemed to have an excuse for not completing an assignment, so I chalked it up to a hectic semester. I thought, based on his enthusiasm that he would just show up one day ready to become a great volunteer.

    Well, he did show up one day with a paper in hand. “I need this signed today,” he said, “and I was hoping you would help me out.”
    My curiosity peaked, I looked at the paper to find that Julian had court ordered community service. “You haven’t completed the required hours,” I said to him. “And this is due tomorrow.”

    “I know,” he returned, “but I will do the hours, I already did some, right? I promise to do the rest. And I really do want to volunteer with patients, it would be so good for me. It’s just so hectic right now.” He smiled sheepishly and for a moment I gained access to the manipulated world according to Julian. I knew right then and there that he was just using me, but, being new to volunteer management, I signed the papers. I never heard from him again, but from then on, I termed that experience the “Julian debacle”. Now I never sign for hours I cannot prove.

    I also think about the year that Disney created the “Give a Day, Get a Day” volunteer push in 2010. The promotion was to encourage one million volunteers to do a day of service and in return they would get vouchers for Disney tickets. Now, on surface, what a lovely idea, but for me, personally, what a challenge. I began receiving calls from folks who couldn’t get in to volunteer elsewhere and needed to do volunteering, any volunteering by an approaching date. The people who called me were desperate to get their tickets. The idea that they might have to do orientation or wait for a day when I could actually come up with something for them to do that was meaningful sent them into panic mode. Because I felt for them, and because I hoped that one would actually want to volunteer beyond the promotion, I took as many as I could, but honestly, their volunteering was about free tickets. (Lesson learned).

    So by force or reward, is mandated volunteering or perk volunteering still volunteering? And, to those who create these two types of “volunteering,” do you ever think about the challenges to those of us managing these volunteers?

    To be fair, I have had some amazing folks who have had to volunteer to keep their food stamps or to clear their name. These people were respectful, eager to learn and help and some even stayed. Just as it’s critical we get to know our volunteers in order to place them, it’s critical we don’t size them up due to circumstance before we even meet them. I’m not saying take everyone and anyone but there are great volunteers who come through unconventional means and not so great volunteers who on paper seem perfect. Trust your judgement.

    But what is frustrating is the lack of acknowledgement of the massive amount of work volunteer managers must do to initiate, instruct and incorporate new volunteers. I would hope that future conversations about requiring people to volunteer or creating promotional perks for volunteerism would include the challenges facing the volunteer managers of the organizations being impacted.

    We’ve all heard this phrase bandied about; “volunteering would be good for you.” I just hope that the folks uttering that phrase would stop for a moment and think about the volunteer manager who is tasked to make that statement ring true.
    -Meridian

  • What’s Over Our Volunteers’ Shoulders?

    ironWe can’t follow our volunteers around every minute of every assignment. I know for you closet control types, this evokes the anxiety akin to your child’s first day of school. You stand outside the window pressing your nose against the glass trying to will the teacher and other children to be nice, but all you see is your breath clouding the view.

    I know this because I’m a control freak too and think that by hovering over the volunteers I can chase away the bad things that will make a volunteer quit. I’m the volunteer parent who peeks in while volunteer Johnny is working just to make sure no creepies are lurking in the corner. Call it a mother hen syndrome, a realistic approach based on history or just plain Volcontrol insanity; I make a living smoothing the creases in the fabric of volunteering. Nuts, huh?
    So, of course, when new volunteer Julie, a perfectly capable young woman was going to meet a new patient in a nursing home for the first time, I had to go along. After all, would she be able to find his room? Would the nursing home staff be kind to her? Would she feel thrown to the wolves by my absence?
    I agreed to meet Julie one afternoon after lunch. She was actually going to meet this patient, Ezra, and speak to him about writing down his life story. It’s a wonderful way to do a life review and also provide a real legacy for subsequent generations. The activities director of the nursing home, Cara, had mentioned that Ezra enjoyed reminiscing and was a perfect candidate for recording his life.
    Anyway, I met Julie in the nursing home lobby and we headed for Ezra’s room. He wasn’t there so we inquired at the nurses’ station and they directed us to the dining room where the residents had just finished their lunch. Ezra was there, in his wheelchair, sitting at a table by himself, sipping his juice. We sat down and introduced ourselves. I sat at Ezra’s left at the square, four person table and Julie sat at his right. I had a clear view of the hallway leading out of the dining room and could watch anyone coming or going. Ezra was absolutely delightful. With an elven smile and self-deprecating attitude, he assured us that his life was not interesting at all, but as we gently prodded, we found out that he had grown up in an orphanage, had taught himself to play the piano and worked in a traveling circus as a teen. His circus job was to help assemble and break down the tents, tend to the animals, learn and do magic tricks and sometimes fill in for one of the clowns. He married at 17, raised three daughters, graduated college at 33 and became a pharmacist and opened his own drugstore. Now, at 87, Ezra was succumbing to disease but his eyes lit up in the memories born of experiences that shaped his autobiography.
    While Ezra chuckled through a story about his wife’s overbearing mother, I happen to glance up and see a woman coming down the hallway towards the dining room. She was gracefully tall with dark hair and her casual clothes suggested a visitor. She locked eyes with me, her expression hostile so I looked away for a moment to escape her gaze.
    And then it hit me. The daughter claws were out. This was Ezra’s daughter approaching and she needed to know who was sitting down with her father. Tersely she put her hand on her Dad’s shoulder and introduced herself. “I’m Hannah,” she said, reaching for my hand. “And you are?”
    I introduced both myself and Julie and explained that we were there to begin a life stories project with her Dad. Hannah sat down and her eyes darted back and forth as she scrutinized us asking her father questions. As Ezra reminisced, Hannah slowly became animated, smiling at the stories. She began to interject, gently prodding her father for clarity and offering her version of events.
    We sat and chatted for two and a half hours, much longer than we had originally planned on staying. We could have stayed longer. As Julie and I got up, promising to return, Hannah shook our hands. “Thank you so much for doing this,” she said.
    “Your father is a special man,” I said.
    “He is. All three of us, my sisters and I were so fortunate to have him as a father.”
    Julie assured Hannah that she would return soon to continue recording Ezra’s stories.
    As we left, I looked over my shoulder at Hannah, who was hugging her father and smiling broadly.
    Julie and I said goodbye in the parking lot. I thanked her and she thanked me for the opportunity. It always gives me a thrill when volunteers are grateful for the very jobs they do so well.

    While I tag along and look over the shoulders of volunteers to prevent made up disasters, I secretly really want to experience what they experience. It’s soul filling for me, and when you get to see a daughter animatedly tell you how much your time spent with her special father means to her, it gives you all the reason needed to do your job.
    With that kind of reinforcing experience, I’ll hover anytime.
    -Meridian

  • Soulplasty

    up periscopeI didn’t make an appointment to repair my soul, because I really never stop to think that I need it. Every morning, I can see in the mirror how a face lift would go a long way to erase crinkling lines, but my soul, well it’s hard to see, at least in the daytime.
    So, when, Hannah, a volunteer who roams the floor of a hospice care center came and got me, I wasn’t thinking about going under life’s knife, but then you have to know Hannah.
    So quiet, she sometimes melts into the carpet, Hannah, at just over 5 feet tall, is like a submarine in shallow water. Her radar is spot on and in between her torpedo jokes, she gets to the heart of a patient and family. When Hannah summons you to “see this” you’d better believe it’s beyond cute or nice or lovely. It’s soulplasty. She summoned me on Monday to hear about a terminally ill man in one of the rooms. “I’ve been invited to be in on the ceremony,” she said as if I knew what the heck she was talking about.
    “What ceremony?” I asked.
    “The wedding.”
    “Wedding? Who’s getting married?”
    “He is, the patient, George.”
    “Oh, wow, who is he marrying?”
    “His live in girlfriend. I’m waiting for the chaplain.”
    It didn’t surprise me that Hannah would be included in something so personal, so intimate, so life altering. She has this way of entering a room. She arrives, testing the emotional temperature with her eyes and ears, and becomes a part of the scene. She doesn’t throw out pleasantries, she’s all business and that business is the family in front of her. Her demeanor says, “I’m here and I’m all in no matter what’s going on.”
    Our chaplain arrived. I really wanted to ask to join the group, but of course that would be about me and not about the patient so I picked at a piece of peeling wallpaper down the hall waiting to hear.
    Hannah came out a short time later and nodded to me. It was done. I got some coffee and waited for Hannah to join me at a table in the lounge. She sat down and unwrapped her very long very chic scarf as if removing a part of a uniform.
    “How did it go?” I asked.
    She sat for a moment, processing and then spoke. “It was really good, he’s barely able to speak now, but he got the words out. He told her what he needed to say.” She choked up a bit and stopped. I could only just sit there and try to grab the emotions filling the room.
    “What about his wife?”
    Hannah smiled. “She positively glowed.” She twirled her scarf in her hand. “This was the one thing he insisted on, the one thing he had to do before he died.”
    “Was it for a religious reason?” I gently asked.
    “No.” She paused and sipped her coffee thoughtfully. “He didn’t do it out of guilt, or responsibility, or some social expectation, he did it because for him, it was his own personal responsibility laid bare. It was out of pure love.”
    We both grew quiet. Then Hannah said, “Do you ever get a moment when everything seems to make sense?”

    Yes, I actually do.
    Yesterday I spent the day helping honor veterans for veterans day. As I stood in the cold room of a Navy Pilot, he softly said, “I can’t tell you how much this means to me.” Tears filled his eyes, and he shakily reached for my hand. I got close and felt his weakening life through his grip. He looked up at me and for a moment everything melted away, the room, the facility, the world. I could feel the battles, now distant, the coming home, the hard work, the family and friends, the joys and the heartaches. His voice, just a whisper now held the power of eternity.

    It is this reparation of soul, whether we feel it firsthand or through the stories of our volunteers that give us sustenance. It is the interconnectedness of human to human to human and on that makes us do what we do.
    I’m taking my newly repaired soul back to work and know that it will get battered with stress and challenges. But, at least I also know that another moment of soulplasty will come my way just when I don’t know I need it.
    -Meridian

  • The Shaping of Volunteers

    child with flowerWith Mothers Day still fragrant from all the vases of flowers and all the leftovers from dinners out, I started thinking about the stories volunteers have told me about their mothers. I have a friend who laughingly tells me that people volunteer because they were wild in their youth and are now making up for it, and for a few volunteers I know that’s true because they have said it. But most stories the volunteers tell are great yarns, the kind of stories that feel like they are coming from a huge book, read while you sit on the floor, hands propping up your chin.

    Annabel told me that her mom was so old-fashioned that when she met her husband to be, Ben, her mother gave her firm, ‘not to be ignored’ instructions. See Annabel, an only child was 14 and Ben, a mature 17 fell in love at a country picnic. He began to court her by showing up at her house, hat in hand, a polite “yes ma’am” on his lips. Her mother and father looked Ben over, decided to give him the chance to prove his worth and they let the two young people get to know each other. “And my mother,” Annabel said, “Oh my mother gave me lots of advice. She told me what to wear, how to act and what to say to be a nice girl, a good catch for this gangly almost grown man who I was head over heels in love with. But she also had stern rules for me too. I could only kiss Ben five times on a date. When I told him that rule, he laughed, but he obeyed out of respect for my mother. We were married when I was 16 and we’ve been married 65 years now and we often talk about my mother and how much she loved both of us. Mother was a strong woman, fair and loving. Ben and I could not have children so we adopted four. My mother was a wonderful grandmother to them. It was because of her that I adopted children and now want to help others.”

    Corine came to volunteer two years after her mother died. Corine, a divorced woman with no children, lived with her mother until her mother’s death two years before. She often speaks of her mother who was her best friend, citing the sacrifices her mother made for the family. “My mother was raised in an orphanage and did not ever know her real family. She put herself through business school and raised myself and my sister. We never wanted for anything and although I know my mother struggled, we never ever knew that. My mother helped anyone and everyone, from our neighbors, to down on their luck strangers who she gave probably her only spending money to. I lived with her for 20 years until her death. She was my best friend, my confidant and although I miss her every day, she was the one that told me I must go on living. Because she was such a good person, I want to be that good person too.”

    Grace speaks of her mother wistfully. “My mom was dealt a blow no mom should ever suffer. My brother Jay was killed in Vietnam at the age of 19. I was only 14 at the time and I still remember the funeral. How my mother and father cried. My mother grieved her whole life but she never let it affect the rest of us kids. She never let his memory hold us in the past. Rather, we kept his memory with us, as we moved forward and my mother lived for us and for him. On his birthday and on holidays my mother would slip away for a bit and sit in Jay’s room and cry. She cried her tears of pain and then powdered her face and joined the family. My mother was strong and loving and she taught me that heartache could not diminish love nor spirit. After my husband died, I was devastated, but I picked myself back up and decided to live. I volunteer in honor of her.”

    Greg told me that he and his brothers and sisters grew up in the hills of Tennessee. “Early in their marriage, my father had an accident at work and was disabled so that meant my mother had to be the sole provider for our family. I can remember the hard times, when we would take a walk up to the store and buy a pound of flour and a pound of sugar so that we could make flapjacks and homemade syrup for dinner. Mom worked, sewed our clothes, made our food, helped us with our homework and cared for Dad. She never complained. She died at the age of 54 and I think she lived two lifetimes of work and responsibility in her 54 years. I remember though, laying in bed and Mom singing us to sleep. Her voice calmed my fears and told me that, although times were hard, I was loved and safe. I want others to feel that way.”

    In our profession, we have this wonderful opportunity to engage with our volunteers. The vast majority of them are amazing human beings and getting to know them is a glimpse into the stories that shape them. Listening to them speak of their mothers is like hearing the singing of a tale or the recitation of an epic poem. These stories are enlightening and inspiring. I wish I could meet those mothers.
    If I could meet them I would tell them thank you for shaping our volunteers minds and hearts. I would say to them, “I wish you could see the wonderful person your child has become. I know you would be proud.”
    -Meridian

  • The Song of the Weathered Explorer

    newell-convers-wyeth-the-rakish-brigantine-sea-captain-in-stormVolunteer Appreciation week has always been a chance to reconnect with volunteers. There are those you see every day, those you talk to on the phone weekly, and those you only see at meetings. Each volunteer takes the right amount of interaction, praise and mental follow-up. Don’t think for a moment that an event is easy, so if after an event your head is swimming, that’s normal. Events take finesse and each volunteer that comes up to you takes a minute or two of intense volunteer retention. It’s worth every moment but it is exhausting.

    There are a few volunteers who do not attend meetings, and they prefer to bob out there on the volunteering sea, wind in face, their hands skillfully steering them through storm and calm. They take little to no management interference for they have impeccable motivation, mad skills and they’ve circumnavigated the globe of helping far longer than they’ve been managed. Open their brains and a tide of experience comes gushing out. They are the historians, the pioneers, the explorers who have led the way in your organization.
    I encountered Jenna at an event during volunteer appreciation week. I hadn’t seen her in quite some time so I was thrilled that she came. Jenna and I go way, way back. She was one of the first volunteers I recruited to work at a hospice house about 20 years ago. Jenna, a British transplant, married an American man and spent time tutoring local high school students in the fine art of composition. I even got to attend her swearing-in ceremony when she became a citizen. Back in the day, we roamed the halls of the house, imagining volunteer programs while caring for patients as we went. It was new territory to discover and Jenna was fired up to be in the middle of something unique and innovative.
    Several years later, Jenna moved and she ended up visiting nursing homes in her new area. Another volunteer coordinator was now involved with Jenna and occasionally I talked to her new manager, Shelby, about how Jenna was doing.
    “Fine, just fine,” Shelby would always say. “She pretty much keeps to herself though. I don’t have a lot of dealings with her. Sometimes I’m just happy if she comes to a meeting. But she does turn in her paperwork and the patients love her.”
    Hmmmm. These conversations never felt like we were speaking about Jenna, at least not the Jenna I knew. But I always requested my hello be passed on to her.
    So, during volunteer appreciation week, Jenna surprised me. She snuck up behind me as I was checking people in and popped me on the back. “Jenna!” I yelled and gave her a big hug. “Wow, I didn’t know you were coming!”
    “I was in town,” she said, and smiled. “I figured you’d be here and I wanted to say hi.”
    “I’m so glad you did,” I returned, genuinely pleased to see her.
    Since the event took up time and effort, Jenna sat with some long-term volunteers that she knew. But after the event was over, she hung around and helped clean up.
    “So, how’s it going?” I asked. “I heard you were visiting nursing homes. That must be pretty awesome for you.” I said as I crumbled up paper tablecloths.
    “Yeah, it’s ok,” she offered, a bit half heartedly. “I love the patients, don’t get me wrong.” She stared at a candy dish.
    “Then what is it?” I asked putting aside my cleaning.
    “It isn’t, it just isn’t the same.” she said. “Don’t you miss those days when we first started? How the atmosphere was so exciting and we were the first ones to create so many things? All of us, staff and volunteers, we were in it together, we had this incredible chemistry and we did amazing work.” She traced the top of the dish. “I miss it. It just isn’t the same. I feel so, so ordinary.”
    I put my hand on her back. “You, my friend, are an amazing, wonderful volunteer. We never could have done half the things we did without your vision and enthusiasm. Sure, I miss it. I miss you, too.”
    She looked at me and I wondered where explorers go after they’ve discovered whatever it was they were looking for.
    “Jenna,” I offered, “things have changed. Goodness knows, they’ve changed a lot and we couldn’t do today what we did back then. But you have so much to offer. Look at all you’ve done. That Jenna is still there. Still waiting to reconnect and imagine.”
    “I think I might want to try some different volunteering.” She said it almost as a question, as though she might be disloyal.
    She looked like a little girl who has been down in the claustrophobic cabin of the boat, itching to get her hands on the wheel and steer somewhere exciting.
    “You should. Go for it, you don’t have to cling to this. Go out and find a fledgling volunteer group and do amazing things.”
    She gave me a hug. “Thank you. And thank you for understanding.” As she popped a chocolate in her mouth she asked, “you do feel it, don’t you? It’s not the same, right? I’m not crazy.”
    “No, you are most certainly not crazy. I feel it. But things never remain the same. And neither do we. So, grow, my friend and don’t look back.”
    With that she walked out. I’m certain she will find another spot to volunteer. Whether she can recapture the excitement of newness and innovation remains to be seen.
    So, until I hear from her, I will just picture her, spray in face, hands on the wheel, steering for the horizon and whatever new territory lies out there.
    -Meridian